What would you do if...

[heystoopid]

You were in a relationship for 3 years. About a year in you started to suspect that he was lying to you. You only saw each other twice a month as it was long distance and when he was not with you he was supposedly living at his parents. He never gave you a landline number in all those years, never invited you down, never let you meet any of his friends or family, always made excuses as to why you couldn't go to his house.

You found dodgy texts on his phone that he "forgot" where they came from but when pressed "remembered" that they were from a depressed friend...

Basically you split up a year ago, 3 years after the bullshit began and you've just realised what an idiotic fool you were, the lies and shit you fell for...the idiot he played you for...the way he treat you....

But you still have no concrete evidence and there is still the possibilty that he was telling the truth, however odd it all seems.

But its over anyway. But you just can't forget it and want to know the truth...was that entire 3 years a lie? is he someones husband?

if you can't let it go, what would you do? or would you force youself to let it go?

i would see a counsellor until i let go.

Had a similar situation with a man I met before my husband, only lasted 6 months, but very similar.

Found out he had a live in girlfriend the other other town.

I put it down to life'srich tapestry but was not as long term as you. If you think you may have trust issues then maybe some counselling, or if you want proof, hire someone, you can find out anything about anyone these days

everytime I think about it I feel so angry. I have broken contact with him but I feel like sending him text messages saying "you lying bastard, i'm not stupid, I know what you were doing".

I've just started reading this book (chick-lit) about a man who was leading a double life and the shit he said to his "mistress" is uncannily similar to what he said to me, the reasons she couldn't meet his family, the reasons she couldn't go and see him at his own home...its litrally like he's read the bloody thing himself and copied it.

I just hope to god I havn't been stupid enough to fall for some age old cliche. Everyone around me thinks I'm a fool. I feel so angry.

oh dear, it is an awful way to feel - I have fallen for a similar situation and felt remarkably stupid afterwards, having been quite sure I would never, ever fall for such b'shit, before meeting this wanker bloke.

You can't get answers - not without a PI. Or chasing him down yourself. He is clearly a pathological liar (projecting, moi? ) so is not going to give you a straight answer now when he lied to you for 3 years. Nor can you make him feel bad about it.

Everyone around me must have thought "poor sad deluded idiot" as well, but they were kind enough not to tell me so, as I was making tragic and wild excuse after excuse for his behaviour.

You are not alone...but you might need some sort of counselling to help you "get over it" and move on. I did. It helped.

It's very annoying (I still get flashes of all-consuming rage over a former employee of mine who was a lazy, dishonest bitch who I gave chance after chance too...) but eventually you have to let go. Asothers have said, counselling will help.
DOn't bother chasing him up as it will make you look like a total bunny boiler. And as long as you neither lent him money nor got pregnant by him, in the long run you had a lucky escape.