And yet more questions about separation

[littlemissworry]

Hi again all. Following on from previous threads about my husband and our current separation here's another question for all you helpful people. Everybody h speaks to is saying to him that if we have any chance of working things out that I should go back and live at home, in separate rooms if I want. I am very unsure about this at the moment and don't really want to go back. I know I should want to want things to work (IYSWIM) but I don't. I want to be apart at the moment. My mum and dad have another take on it saying that absence can make the heart grow fonder and I'll know more in 6 months time or so as to whether I want to go back. I'm not missing him at all right now. He is arranging some marriage counselling but I feel my heart isn't in it, although I feel it should be for the sake of the boys. I am very confused . May not be back on here till later as visitors arriving soon but I will pop in again today.

It sounds as if you are torn between what you want to do and what you feel you should do. Not easy. And he is pressurising you to do what he wants. Also hard.From everything you've written before, I'd say you were better off where you are. You are happier if confused, the boys are okay and your parents are fine with you staying. Good luck.

You've hit the nail on the head there nfk, it's about what I want and what I feel I should do. I think we're best off sitting tight for the time being and we're looking at renting a property as he certainly won't move anywhere.

Bumping this for any more ideas/advice.

Hi LMW

Don't know your story but if you are unsure about living with him def stick to what you are doing.

I'm finding that time away from my DH (who cheated on me) is helping me think more clearly and he seems to be responding far better and much more positively to towards me being apart.

Go with your gut instinct. Everyone can give advice but at the end of the day it is YOUR life and you have to do what is best for you. Have you considered individual rather than couple counselling?

I don't know your previous posts or your story. If you aren't prepared to commit to the counselling don't go and put him through a charade. IMO there is no way to work through a relationship whilst you are apart but you have to make your own mind up. You need to be prepared for him not to want you back by the time you decide what you want.

My instinct at the moment, I think anyway, is to stay where I am. It IS a hard decision to make but having taken the guts to get this far, if I go back now I feel it will be for nothing. MyHead, it's interesting what you say about you being able to think more clearly while you are apart. I do think this is how I am because he has the ability to make me feel powerless and guilty about things, not on purpose but that's just the dynamic between us. I am prepared to give the counselling a go and try to work things through but in my heart I know there is a lot of mending to be done. Plus I have a lot of work to do on my own self-esteem (and I'm getting individual help for this too). Every decision we've ever taken before has been rushed - marriage, children etc. - and this time I want to be very clear that I'm NOT prepared to rush anything and I think that must include going back to him.