So my SIL has been staying for four weeks and

[MrsFogi]

has left this morning. She said thank you last night "Thanks for letting me stay". I need to get this off my chest or I'll kill dh - No presents for dds whilst here. She has left a mess in every room in the house (piles of receipts, piles of clothes, piles of hangers, towels on the floor, she may as well still be here she doesn't seem to have packed etc etc). She left the bed in a mess (and got stains on my duvet cover). And to top it all off she has left about 10 bags of various sizes and nonchalantly (sp?) said "oh if you can bring them with you when you come on holiday otherwise mum and dad will pick them up at some point" - so the choice is have them stacked in my house for months or fill up the car with them when we go on hols (so maybe I should not bring the buggy or something so I can fit it in). Excuse incoherence of post I am livid!!!!

So - do I have a fit at her when I next see her or do I smile sweetly?

Bring the lot down to the tip and dont invite her back!

Definately use the expensive toiletries if they are to your liking. These things often have a shelf-life after all and it would be cheaper for her to buy fresh toiletries than various relatives hauling round manky half-used old ones.

I would get your dh to telephone her, assuming he's as disappointed in her lack of house guest etiquette as you are. He should put on a concerned voice and say that he can't find the little thankyou gifts he assumed she would be leaving for you and the children, and is wondering if the children have got to them first. He should also explain that when you go on holiday with children your car is stuffed full of essential clothes, equipment etc and there's no way he can take your stuff over to mainland Europe unless she stumps for roofbox hire (assuming you don't already use one). Look into the cost of shipping it over to her parents and get dh to contact her for payment up front before you actually arrange it. He should at all times act astonished at the sheer volume of stuff she has left behind and make it clear that it is in the way, making the house cluttered/untidy and an inconvenience.

Someone in her own family needs to let her start getting the message that she is a thoughtless and self-centred woman.

Why has she gone to the States, is it a permanent move ?

jesus what a rude freeloading bitch, send all the clothes down to the local charity shop.

never ever allow this inconsiderate person to stay at your house again....

send her an email:
I guess you slept in and didn't have time to pack? poor you. Must be missing all your stuff and there's loads of it. Anyway what do you want me to do with it? Is it worth trying to get it to you in the US. Do you want to ship it out to you cos there is way too much to take to PIL? Might be easier if you arrange the shipping as you can pay them in dollars. Let me know because I need the space. We only really have room for the two small bags you asked for. I'm sorry because I'd love to help you by holding onto it for a while until your parents can collect but I just can't. Hope you understand.
Was great seeing you etc.

Love your SIL.

Definitely use the toiletries.

Then contact her & explain that you agreed to 2 bags of stuff, & due to her flytipping the rest on you, you're going to have to binbag it & take to the tip, unless she has any better ideas?

Maintain smiley but unbudgeable tone throughout & hear her get increasingly hysterical...

Oh I sympathise. When we married, I discovered dh had half a dozen boxes and several bags of his sister's stuff stored in his loft. They had been there for 12 years. Well, OK, they weren't really in our way at first, but when we did need the space, she wouldn't take them. We tried to palm them off on MIL but sFIL wouldn't have it (don't blame him, but it was worth a try!). 10 years later when we moved she still wouldn't come and get them, and by that time she and dh weren't speaking at all. We dumped them on MIL in the end!

Don't take them on holiday with you. Give her a definite amount of time by which you want them collected and gone from your place, otherwise it's all going on e-bay!

Do you have a shed / garden?

Use the toiletries or throw them as only limited shelf life

Put everything else into storage box(es) and put in shed or garden and your house is your own again.

Wow Jux. Why didn't you bin them/ charity shop? Seems unfair to dump on MIL. If someone hasn't wanted something in 12 years they don't really want it.
If she wouldn't take them then why should you?
I find all this storing other peoples stuff for ages thing odd. I've never lived in a house with loads of storage space though. Different if it's kids at college, although then when they move into a permanent flat/house whether rented or bought I'd expect them to take ALL their stuff.
Agree that if anyone left toiletries at my house they weren't planning to collect I'd use them. If I left toiletries at someone elses house I'd expect them used. They're not stuff you usually leave behind.

I agree about using the toiletries - anything left in my bathroom by guests is fair game.

I like Quinne's email suggestion, but I would add that if the stuff hasn't gone say within 2 weeks, then you have no option but to take it to the charity shop/tip.

And the next time she wants to freeload off you, make sure you already have guests staying (ones you like). Or if you fancy a holiday in the States, go and freeload on her