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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm really embaressed.

35 replies

ohdearohdeary · 27/08/2008 22:09

I can't believe I am going to type this but I need to tell someone

Lately I have been looking at stuff on the internet because my sex drive has gone through the roof and I don't always want to spend an hour with my husband, if you understand.

So I did this recently but the laptop broke, it just froze and I panicked and managed to shut it down, It didn't work for a while but my husband managed to get it running again tonight.

It had 'restore last session' or something

and he clicked on it and the stuff came up he asked if it was me, I denied it about 4 times but then felt myself going red and admitted it, he said it was OK and he just wnated to know if it was me or not to make sure someone else hadn't been on it.

But I went upstairs and cried.

I feel disgusting that he knows I look at that stuff

It was 'girl' stuff and he knows about that, but it makes me feel horrible and funny that he knows I was looking.

I am sat with him now and it hasn't been mentioned but I don't know whether to bring it up.

I feel horrid

I'm not a troll, this is genuine.

OP posts:
Flossish · 27/08/2008 22:11

chances are he probably does it too! So he doesn't want to bring it up either as it is a dodgy topic for him too. Perhaps you could talk to each other a little more to see if you could co-ordinate a little better and speedier!!

Blu · 27/08/2008 22:14

well, y'know, he said it was ok......so why don't you think it was OK?

Just talk to him - bring it up lightheatedly and tell him you are SO edmbarrassed. There's nothing to lose, and everything to be gained in terms of communication, re-assurance, etc etc.

Original poster
ohdearohdeary · 27/08/2008 22:15

Maybe he does, but hes not daft enough to get caught!

Our sex life is great, but I'm not always in the mood for a long session with him.

I just feel so embarrassed

OP posts:
NintyZelda · 27/08/2008 22:16

Don't feel bad, talk to your DH, explain it to him. You could enjoy it together

LynetteScavo · 27/08/2008 22:17

Please tell me what 'girl' stuff is.

I really don't think he is disgusted in you!

Original poster
ohdearohdeary · 27/08/2008 22:19

Just girls, no men involved

I think I just feel silly because I lied and denied it, and then had to admit it when he thought it might have been BIL who was here recently! and that I was daft enough to not get rid of it properly.

OP posts:
twoluvlykids · 27/08/2008 22:21

you could try writing him a letter,see if that clears the air for you.you don't have to be in the room when he reads it - just hand it over & run away upstairs.

QuintessentialShadow · 27/08/2008 22:21

It is totally understandable that you are a bit embarassed. Sexual fantasies are very private. But, most likely, he just finds it exciting that he has seen that side of you, that you are a sexual woman, and enjoy your sexuality aside from with him,

I once caught dh, and found it a big turn on.

But please elaborate on "girl" stuff. Sex toys for girls, or girl on girl action. If the latter, I dont think he is horrified, it is many mens fantasy to witness such.

QuintessentialShadow · 27/08/2008 22:22

No, just talk to him. It is honestly nothing to be embarrased over. No need to run upstairs.

Original poster
ohdearohdeary · 27/08/2008 22:23

It was porn, not looking at sex toys, but free videos.

He knows I'm interested in that, but i feel like I've done something 'naughty' not in a good way, I feel stupid.

Don't think its because of him, think its my upbringing

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 27/08/2008 22:24

Go talk to him. Maybe you can watch it together, bring it into your sexual life. It may spice things up. If you talk to him, it wont be naughty anymore, and you might feel better.

Original poster
ohdearohdeary · 27/08/2008 22:27

Thanks, I will.

We used to watch things like that together, but not since the children came along.

I've always felt guilty about feeling this way, so I think its just getting caught made me every guilty feeling flood out at once.

But I know he doesn't feel that its a problem or something I should feel ashamed of.

OP posts:
iCod · 27/08/2008 22:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

QuintessentialShadow · 27/08/2008 22:35

I know what you mean. It is a side to yourself mostly kept hidden.

QuintessentialShadow · 27/08/2008 22:36

oi Cod, you think she is a journo?

Original poster
ohdearohdeary · 27/08/2008 22:38

But its my incident to report cod, not something that happened to my sister

I'm going to report that post, no need to call me that

OP posts:
Original poster
ohdearohdeary · 27/08/2008 22:39

No.

QS I asked her ON HER THREAD if she should be reporting on her sisters break up, like her sisters life is something in 'Hello' magazine.

So she called me that

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadow · 27/08/2008 22:40

Oh I see.
tsk tsk.

FluffyMummy123 · 27/08/2008 22:40

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ohdearohdeary · 27/08/2008 22:40

And I'm a regular, just didn't want to discuss this in my usual name!

Just forget it.

OP posts:
Thinkstoomuch · 27/08/2008 22:43

Don't let one bully stop you asking for advice on here.

FluffyMummy123 · 27/08/2008 22:45

Message withdrawn

NoMoreOlympics · 27/08/2008 22:46

huh?

this thread has taken a nasty turn

Original poster
ohdearohdeary · 27/08/2008 22:46

No worries, I never listen to you anyways

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 27/08/2008 22:48

Message withdrawn