URGENT ADVICE PLEASE - re husband/abuse

[littlemissworry]

Hi all, just posting as I may have overstepped mark and REALLY worried. Can you tell me if you think this is in any way a form of sexual abuse. For your husband to say to you in a hostile manner 'when's it going to be - need to know' and 'you've entered into a consensual sexual relationship' therefore making you feel like you have to oblige on a regular basis.

[littlemissworry]

I know, I was feeling so much better but it has been undone again. He said some unkind things to me last night on the phone again about this and I get the impression he wants it covered up for the sake of his job.

[cocolepew]

The man is a self centered, nasty git, he won't even let you and the DCs have the family home FFS! What kind of person asks the parents of the woman he abused to buy him a house, and he would pay what rent he wanted, when all he was asked was could it be possible for the children to be in their home until things are sorted?!

[squeaver]

If he makes you feel uncomfortable on the phone just say "I don't want to talk about this, I'm going to hang up". He needs to see that you mean business.

[cocolepew]

Of course he wants it covered up, but hat's tough. He shouldn't have did it in the first place. Don't let him control you.

[littlemissworry]

I know cocolepew, he really does think of himself a lot. Then he tries to win me over with a big box of chocolates. I am such a confused, mixed up woman at the moment .

[cocolepew]

that's not hat

[littlemissworry]

Got to go and get boys to bed now. Will pop in again later. Big thanks again for the help and support.

[squeaver]

His appalling behaviour is NOT your fault. he sounds very controlling, but you're getting some really good advice here on how to handle him. Please try to stay strong.

[spiderbabymum]

HI LMW,

Hope today is a better day .

Your follow up Emails rang a bell . was listening to BBC radio 4 last week ???when

AND there was an item on a support group for women who have been in abusive relationship with Clergy . One woman was interviewed and gave her story ...i think of over 20 years of abuse .

Were you aware of this . Usually contact nrs available online or From Radio 4 action line ( phone service ) .

all the best .

[BlaDeBla]

My dad is a clergyman. I find the excuses for abuse from the god-squad are bloody awful and it really makes my blood boil. Well done you for reporting him to the god authorities. It was a brave and worthwhile thing to do. There is so much hypocricy and blatant lies in the church. It is never an excuse for meting out abuse!

[shrinkingsagpuss]

LMW - my dh and i sometimes have an exchange that sounds not dissimialr to yours - and it leaves me feeling rubbish and horrible, and sex becomes a chore, because he then withdraws any physial touches or anything if I sya no. Sometimes if we are up at 5 with teh baby, he then tries it on, and gets huffy when I want to go to sleep.

He's never thorwn anything at me, but he does thorw things. He hasn't done for a while, because I laid down the law, and told him if he EVER did it again he could leave.

We have our moments, and I do still love him, but the "sex" thing has become a big issue between us.

I don't think it is sexual abuse, but I think it is abusive and controlling to say things like that to soemone. I don't know your hisotry, bvut think that he needs some counselling, or both togeher to get ot the heart of what eh thinks and why.

[Iwanttobreakfree]

Littlemiss...

It sounds like you are blocking some of this from your memory.

I have been physically abused and also "forget" dates and what has happened when. One incident I only remembered as I posted about it on here and looked back at previous posts. i am obviously blocking it all out in the hope it will go away. It won't.

You can contact your local women's aid. Please do. Domestic abuse can be sexual. I am so glad you have left, don't go back.

I am thinking of you and also praying for you. What you are going through is not what christianity is about. It is only right that he should get into trouble for this. You are doing the right thing.

Take care xx

[lizinthesticks]

"Gosh you'd think being a vicar he'd have a bit more grace."

Hah.

[littlemissworry]

How are you doing Iwanttobreakfree? I hope your situation is improving. I am feeling stronger today again - I have good days and bad days. The thing I find very hard is that I honestly think husband tries hard a lot of the time to be a good husband/father but then we have these difficult times when he is unreasonable or loses it. The number of times over the 10 years when he has upset somebody is not good.
Do you think that if you can remember something quite vividly it has had quite an impression? I mean, I remember the incident where I asked him (very upset) to stop during sex and he didn't. His excuse was that it was 'close to the end' but I must have been shaken up by it as I can remember where it was and can vaguely picture the situation. Also remember another time when I ran off the bed afterwards in floods of tears into the bathroom.
He is really trying to win me back - boys need stable home, we both need a companion (my therapist suggested a dog ) etc, etc.

[dragonstitcher]

Sexual controller. One of the personas covered by The Freedom Programme.

[squeaver]

lmw - glad to see you're feeling a bit better today. I like your therapist's idea!