Newly Pregnant with 1st child - DH's reaction (or lack of...)

[FlirtyThirty]

Hello ladies,

I'm (just) pregnant with my first child. I'll be 5 weeks tomorrow. This was a planned baby and DH and I are happily married and financially secure. We conceived on our second cycle - so MUCH faster than anticipated - and to be honest, both of us were a bit shell-shocked when we found out last weekend. Happy but disbelieving. We are older (I'm 31, DH is 43), and have a lot of friends who've had trouble conceiving, and so had assumed it would take much longer.

Anyway, aside from asking which room a baby would sleep in, DH has not really said anything about how he feels. I have told him practical stuff - like when my booking in appointment is and what the Dr told me, but he has never asked any questions. I know it's only 5 days in and he is busy at work...but I was just wondering....when did your other halves show any interst in the pregnancy?

My DH is a kind, sweet, smart man...but at the moment, I feel like it's only me that's in this. Has he forgotten?! When well he get interested? Will he ever want to look at the pregnancy book?

Flirty x

I got "oh" as well. Wasn't until 12 weeks and first scan that he got into it. Turns out he was concerned about everything being ok (I'd had a mc the previous year - long story but didn't know I was pregnant until I had the miscarriage) so didn't want to get too excited.

So...do you think it's best that I don't mention the pregnancy at all then? Just wait until he raises the subject or I have to go to an appointment...?

I guess I'm ok with that...I have plenty to do in the next 7 weeks til the scan so guess I should just try and focus more on those things. I sort of just wish I knew if it was sinking in at all with him.... I feel like if I asked him what my due date was, he wouldn't remember. Anyway...there are plenty with far worse problems...so I'll stop my ramblings.

Thanks for all your comments...they HAVE helped!

DO talk about it, just don't get stressed at his reactions. It's an incredibly important thing to you right now (esp in those early worrying weeks) so you should feel you can talk to your partner about it! Just be prepared for the 'ah' and 'um' noises...

Hehe. my DH has only just got inthusiastic... i've got 5 weeeks left!

Lets face it, we're the pregnant one not them. What do you want him to do about it? He's only gonna be sat at the side of the bed while you do all the work anyway. It's their job to be daddy, which doesn't include reading the baby books! As long as it comes out ok thats all they are interested in! Haha. What wonderful things men are!

Me and my DP conceived on our first month of trying, and we were both quite shocked, as we assumed it would take a few months at least. At times during the pregnancy I was a little hurt by his seeming lack of enthusiasm, for example he never read the pregnancy book I gave him. Realizing that's normal now though

I'm now 3 days overdue and he's almost levitating with joy and impatience at our little ones imminent arrival. He started to warm up when I began showing, and when we went to the NCT classes - I think that helped him as well and it became even more real. But now! Sheesh. He's a right soppy git, and it's lovely. I can't wait to see him holding our little boy. He's talked today about being so impatient to meet him and wanting to see his 'tiny little fingers and toes' and I melted inside.

So, don't worry too much. It is a bit shocking when you've psyched yourself up for a long stint at trying and it happens right off - makes it almost feel like an unplanned pregnancy in terms of the level of surprise I think. But by the end your bloke will be just as impatient as you to meet your child

Good luck with the pregnancy - oh and, congrats of course

MrNC was absolutely delighted when we found out (after 7 years of trying and having given up on the idea), but then was a bit distant from the whole thing except for worrying about me and my health. I think he didn't want to jinx anything, especially as his SIL had recently had a nasty experience discovering that her baby would die at birth so had a very late abortion. And he's been worried about money in a traditional male way - at my NCT class we split men and women and each group had to write down their big worries for the first 12 weeks. All were the same except women worried about interfering family and breastfeeding, and men worried about money - apparently this always happens.

After the 20-week scan both of us have been a lot more involved in the idea of a baby - before that it felt like I was a bit ill and I was just telling him what I needed. We still find ourselves saying 'OMG we're going to have a child!!' rather frequently...

Men are such physical creatures that they need to see it to believe it (1st scan) and then feel it to believe it (1st movement). You will not be able to make him really believe it until the wee one is in his arms. And then, if your DH turns out to be like mine, you will have another one and he will be an expert having gone through it all before! One can't help but feel that it is a smigeon on the hypocritical side .

Seriously though, he may be in shock or indeed worried about getting excited in case something happens. You need to keep talking to him and sharing any disbelief that you have as he may connect with that. I'm sure you'll both be fine as Bump gets bigger x