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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ever fallen out "forever"?

46 replies

missjennipenni · 21/08/2008 10:56

How many people have you ever fallen out with, and so far have never made amends or resumed any sort of relationship with?

OP posts:
sophiajane · 21/08/2008 13:13

Two great friends I am sad to say. One from schooldays who i just generally neglected whilst falling in and out of love with silly boys. She was deeply offended by it and never let me make it up to her even when I matured.

One I flat shared with in early 20s who was great fun but quite quite mad. She used to steal my knickers - I had to let her go1

missjennipenni · 21/08/2008 13:18

she stole your knickers? and ewwww!

OP posts:
sophiajane · 21/08/2008 13:23

she also "borrowed" a battery operated item I had hidden it was the final straw!

missjennipenni · 21/08/2008 13:24

How strange! and how yucky! I hope she didnt use it & give it back?

OP posts:
Amethyst86 · 21/08/2008 13:27

My family - especially my Mum have a big history of falling out and not talking for years. My dh used to take the piss out of us mercilessly for it and over the time of being with him I have realised that especially with family it is pretty silly if the reason is not huge.

However I had a best mate years ago who I was blindly loyal and supportive to and thought she was the same. We were 100% in each others lives. She got off with a couple of blokes I had liked, separately obviously but I ignored it because we were such good mates. I moved away but made loads of effort to keep visiting her and stay in touch. She rang and told me she was getting married but it was only going to be her and her fiancee and family. I found out afterwards it had been quite a big event and loads of people that we both knew were there. Felt like shit and a bit silly for making so much effort with her and never rang her again. So Emily if you are reading this thats why!

expatinscotland · 21/08/2008 13:30

with two of my ex boyfriends. one was a major fuckwit. i wish him the worst in every way.

with the other, we just can't be in contact ever again.

sophiajane · 21/08/2008 13:32

missjennipenni - I found it in her bedside table as I had a hunch she had taken it. I didn't reclaim just left it there and looked for a new flat!!

Flightlite · 21/08/2008 13:39

I wonder if we have any pairs on this thread - I mean people who are talking about each other!!

BlingLovin · 21/08/2008 13:46

Am in the process of falling out forever with old uni mate who is furious I'm not going to Australia, at christmas, for her wedding. It's the final, fairly chunky, straw after lots of others.

had a flat mate who had serious man trouble with a guy who wouldn't committ. Over two years they broke up and got bck together so many times I just got bored, especially as he was a wanker, but always told her what was giong to happen and she always believed it would be different. After years and years of listening to her cry - normally while I was trying to go to bed for work the next morning - I got tired of it. She also couldn't take it when I then met someone fabulous and had him round the house etc. We had blazing row and agreed to move out. I think it could have been salvageable but she was SOOOO unpleasant during the moving out phase (which incidentally was about 4 months after big blow out) - rude to my sister and bf, standing behind me to check I didn't take more herbs from the join herb cupboard, no goodbye when she left... i decided to write her off. We still have mutual friends and see each other and she's dead keen to be good friends again,but I maintain a friendly, but cool demeanor to her at all times.

Especially as she subsequently bought a house, which is something I'd normally be happy for her about. But as the entire time we lived together I subsidised her because she was supposedly so broke, I was a bit cheesed off when she suddenly, 8 months later, produced all these savings to buy a flat with.

Yes yes, I know, I'm not that nice either!

youcannotbeserious · 21/08/2008 13:53

I lost touch with (what I thought) was a really good friend...

I tried and tried but she just ignored me... I've since come to the conclusion that she only liked me when my life was a real mess (that's when she was there for me)... SInce my life has been great, she hasn't wanted to know...

I now think it's a blessing she doesn't want anything to do with me, as it means my life is a positive good place, which she obviously didn't want because she's not happy for me at all.

I do believe that, if I called her tomorow with a massive sob story about how my life was crap, she'd be there in an instant.

Which is quite sad. For her.

sophiajane · 21/08/2008 13:58

Blinglovin - you sound very nice as you subsidised a "hard up" friend...

Flightlite · 21/08/2008 13:58

Oh Bling...I nearly lost my best mate over a wedding, but luckily she forgave me - we're close again now. She has a lot of equanimity

I wonder how life would have been without her in it. Not so great really - we have a lot in common despite the odd falling out.

It's a question of balance. Nobody is perfect! (she comes close though...)

BlingLovin · 21/08/2008 14:04

Thanks SJ! I thought so - and my sister, my staunchest supporter definitely did! - But apparently, she didn't. Hence I was a bit floored that she was worried I might take more than HALF the herbs and spices (particularly annoying as I kept pointing out to her that her pile was the bigger - I only bothered to keep the stuff she didn't use like spices).

DrNortherner · 21/08/2008 14:06

I fell out with my best mate who I met when I ws 3. We fell out aged 18 at a 2Unlimited concert....we spoke again aged 28.

I fell out with a good friend who I shared ahouse with (she acussed the landlord or something he didn't do) and we have not spoken since.

sophiajane · 21/08/2008 14:06

flightlite, I also had a fallout with a friend over a wedding abroad. DD1 was few weeks old and she was horrified that I didn't go to her nuptials in greece.

Now she has a toddler and a newborn she totally gets why I couldn't make it!

Bet lots of friendships come asunder due to bridezilla behaviour...

mother3 · 21/08/2008 14:16

I have got 2 very dear friends from childhood.Sometimes when u go your different ways u can drift apart but also stay in touch. stay in touch.Even easier now.mobile phones .internet etc.You all have to make the effort,make allowances etc.Had my best mates on the phone crying /sobbing about the things going wrong in their lives even when it was 2 am in the morning.I still listened.Thats prob why we are still good freinds.Sorry to hear about your so called friend bling.Sounds like a bitch.

missjennipenni · 21/08/2008 14:18

mother3 - i have drifted away from a number of friends, thats just how life goes. Its different from having a proper falling out though, where you actively avoid each other and avoid communication.

OP posts:
cocolepew · 21/08/2008 14:24

My neighbour, she lives a door away and I haven't spoken to her for 2 years over something her son did. We were very friendly before. Now I just ignore her and her DH.

jaanpa · 21/08/2008 16:36

Amethyst, I can relate to your situation with yourfriend. There was someone I had stayed friendly with since infants school. Despite going to different secondary schools, we remained friends for many years. She was my bridesmaid and I was godmother to her first child. After her first marriage ended we stayed in touch and I helped when her son was very unwell for a long time. When she remarried, she told me that it was her family and fiance's family only and she hoped I understood. Of course I did. What I didn't understand though, was why, when she had her hen night,I found out that I was the only person on the hen night who hadn't been invited to the wedding! Everybody else, including people she had known only a few weeks, were all going to the wedding. That really hurt and after that I cut all the contact. If she didn't want me there, fine, but be honest about it! I am much more careful now about how far I will go for a friend, because that experience was very hurtful and I don't want to get -shit- dumped on from a great height ever again.

MrsMattie · 21/08/2008 16:40

One. A colleague at my old workplace. She harassed me at work and told some extremely damaging lies about me to my boss and other colleagues. I ended up leaving my job and will never, EVER speak to her again. It's either that or I kill her, so I chose the more reasonable of the two options .

I'm in quite serious danger of never speaking to my stepdad again. he is just such a poisonous and manipulative person. I have stopped speaking to him several times before, for lengthy periods, but always relent because it affects my mum so badly. But this time, not sure if I can bear the fake smiles and apologies...

lizinthesticks · 21/08/2008 17:47

Probably more than I care to think about, tbh.

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