To what extent do you avoid people who are going through difficuties?

[objectivity]

If you were really very honest, in RL do you avoid the parents who are probably struggling in some way?

I'm dreading this is going to happen when dd goes to school.
I live in a quite 'affluent' area and am worried the mums will be avoiding me as a single mother, little money, living in a small flat etc
And my dd will get ostricised by other kids and won't have any friends in school.

I'm even thinking of moving to lesser desirable place because of this..

PM - I would hope it will be fine - I think I am talking about more personality issues than social standing issues. I couldn't be arsed what someone does /where they live but I suppose what I am saying is that I do get pissed off with someone moaning all the time !

oh, by 'difficulties' , you mean, any kind of life or aspect of life which differs from the supposed 'norm'?
oh well in that case, then not me.
i dont think ive ever met a 'normal' person in my life.
well, i may have, but i dont remember them. or maybe didnt notice.

I always used to try and be friendly to people who moved into married quarters near us.
I can't say the same courtesy ahs been extended to me since I moved here.

I am however terrible in some situations, for example, my best friends dad died during the Easter hold and I was at my mums at the time -s he lives int eh same town. I wnet to visit and sat and cried for an hour, int eh end DH took me home because I was such a state. I can't help it, I lost my dad at 16,and jsut don't handle things like that very well.
From my own experiences though, other people don't laways handle it well either.

I'll agree with an earlier poster (happypills) who mentioned the disastrous effect struggling/negative people can have on your own depression. I have in the past deliberately distanced myself from quite close friends because I was in such a state myself and they were dragging me down into an even darker place because of what was going on in their lives. I don't regret this and think I did the right thing. When I was strong enough to offer support with their own depression etc I was a good friend, was able to listen and generally be of some use. At my own darkest moments it felt like the blind leading the blind; completely pointless.

I don't have a child yet (2 days overdue ) but I find the issue of mums at the school gates sticking together and forming cliques deeply sad. I think that's a whole different thing, it's a 'I can't be bothered to care' as opposed to a 'I care but I'm completely helpless to do anything for you right now'.

well, i have an inate affection for anyone who says things like 'i agree with her' so hello you
good luck with birth, and congrats

I dont get involved with other people's lives anymore. I had one so called close friend who I supported through her various dramas for 15 years, sometimes ruining my own relationships in the process because I was spending so much time supporting her, then she shit on me from a great height.

Never again.

Thing is, you don't know how much time and sympathy other people have to give. The person who looks really sorted might be dealing with crippling debt/parents with dementia/worry over a DC who might or might not have SN. It also depends on people's previous experiences of trying to help; if you offered kindness to someone visibly strugglling in the past and had them either rip you off or become a total drain on you, you might think twice about doing it again.I remember once backing off from a new girl on the (then) social scene who clearly had troubles because I was dealing with about 6 mates who had eating disorders/self-harm issues/major clinical depression and just could not cope with another one. And I'm aware that I have become less likely to try to get involved with others' troubles since having DS, but at the same time I try to be at least friendly to people.

Thank you

Yeah, I have also noticed a tendency to identify people who might be similar to friends I have struggled to help in the past and deliberately keep them a bit more arms length than I otherwise would. I'm talking potential friends here, or existing acquaintances. If they display similar behaviour to a friend who is incredibly messed up (for want of a better word) I tend to be wary and a bit more cautious. But I would still be kind to them, I'd just make sure I didn't end up being their 24/7 counselor and confidante, because that can be hugely draining.

my mum gave a lot of trust and time to a woman who ultimately was stealing everything that wasnt nailed down for years, and allowing her to believe that it was her son/s (my brothers) doing it and denying it, knowing how much it was damaging all involved.
that is Not Nice.
mum eventually figured it out when her recently deceased mothers wedding ring was pawned, and she found the ticket or something. She had to hire a private detective to get proof because after years of things disappearing she just had no idea who to trust/blame any more.