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Relationships

How close is too close for a male/female friendship?

28 replies

simplelife · 13/08/2008 15:53

I have a male friend, I've known for a long time, we get on well, but I have never seen him as anything but a friend. We have some interests in common, that I don't share with Dh, so we spend some time together on those, with our partners' full knowledge and agreement.

Recently, we've been having a lot of putting the world to rights conversations and talking about our earliest memories/ teenage love lives etc. Things that you would talk about with a close girlfriend, but not an acquaintance iyswim.

I can't really put a finger on it, but I'm not sure if some mark has been overstepped. I don't find him attractive and am completely happy and confident in my relationship with DH, but wonder if I need to pull back a bit. It would be a shame, as we do have fun together, but I wonder if that's part of the problem?

OP posts:

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CountessDracula · 14/08/2008 15:32

I wouldn't kid yourself that he is incapable of having an affair! Anyone is tbh. If the circumstances are right.

But if you are happy and confident in your relationship with your dh then it is unlikely that you would let it go any further. TBH you don't actually know what his relationship is like, only what he tells you, so he could be unhappy in some way that he hasn't said or doesn't even recognise himself and is looking, albeit unwittingly, for something outside his marriage to make himself feel happier or something

Just a thought

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girlnextdoor · 14/08/2008 20:13

To the OP- I think the fact that you ask means you are feeling uneasy about it. Maybe you need to talk to the man and confront the situation-along the lines that your friendship could be misconstrued and obviously that is NOT the case...
and see wha he says.

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OrmIrian · 14/08/2008 20:27

I had a close male work friend at my last job. It never crossed my mind that he found me attractive, and I certainly didn't him so. We talked about everything and really enjoyed each other's company. No risk to either marriage whatsoever. And at the same time there was someone else that I spent time with and with him, I was always conscious that things might have gone further. I think that if you are aware of 'something' there you need to be wary. If you are just worried about how it looks to other people, there is no problem.