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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

If you're having sex with your DH/DP and you lose interest halfway through ...

75 replies

Spidermama · 13/08/2008 13:57

... what do you do?

I'm interested in the other thread on this.
This happens to me now and again. My mind wanders and I lose interest.

It would never occur to me to stop him though. I just let him get on with it, perhaps throw in a bit of fakery for a swifter conclusion.

I'm interested in what others do in this situation.

OP posts:

3andnomore · 13/08/2008 15:26

I do...but, it doesn't mean that I have to then want sex for 2 hours or more....after an hour or so, I usually want to get a bit of sleep, lol.....it is usually late at night....

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 13/08/2008 15:48

twoluvlykids, then why not just put them in your own bin?

olympicsnotfederer · 13/08/2008 16:39

TracksuitLover · 13/08/2008 17:08

I would let him carry on rather than upsetting him by making him think he is boring/rubbish at sex, unless I was in pain or distress. How would you feel if in the middle of sex your partner said "I can't be arsed with this anymore"?

I know what you mean about when it looks like he is never going to climax though! You both know it isn't going to work but are both too embarrassed to say lets stop. I've had to say it a couple of times and felt really awful. Embarrassed for him that he couldn't do it and wondering why I wasn't good enough to make him come.

Is alcohol the main cause of this? or was it my fault?

olympicsnotfederer · 13/08/2008 17:27

alcohol methinks

or weed

Original poster

Spidermama · 13/08/2008 19:26

Weed stops us even attempting it in the first place.

Custy you are lucky to enjoy it so much. I do sometimes, but frankly about 20% of times I just go through the motions.

OP posts:

CrushWithEyeliner · 13/08/2008 19:33

I normally just do something I know will make him come quickly...really easy with DH so I am lucky like that. I would never say to stop as I don't feel that is right if it's just that I am not really into it. Let him have some fun FGS we do it so rarely!

twoluvlykids · 13/08/2008 19:40

TDWP - in case the bin bag was ripped open by seagulls or whatever, or the bin men saw them, or the neighbours! this cafe was on the way.....

olympicsnotfederer · 13/08/2008 21:07

blimey, weed makes us go at it ALL NIGHT and I'm not exaggerating

divastrop · 13/08/2008 21:38

oh no,i just remembered we put the sex books in our bin(we found them in the loft when we moved in but we had a look first)and we have whole families of seagulls round here

3andnomore-so,frequent wanking really does decrease sensitivity?
all this time ive been thinking its cos i've got a bucket

olympicsnotfederer · 13/08/2008 21:41

lol @ bucket

mummynewname · 13/08/2008 22:13

I was thinking of someone else when we got round to it last week.

Said this guy's name out loud 'ohh Scott'!

DP said - 'what?

'ohh.. it's .. hot?' was my reply.

'Yes, isn't it' said poor DP.

close one

sparkybabe · 14/08/2008 10:43

My DH has never lasted more than 3 minutes. I used to think it was because I was so damn sexy, and that after 20 years of it he would get kind of used to it, and be able to last a bit longer. Huh! Unsurprisingly I have never managed a climax. If I do get a bit excited (like after a few drinks) he finishes even quicker. So I just lie there now. It's a biological need in men, but not in women, apparently. I am proof of this!

Original poster

Spidermama · 14/08/2008 13:21

Sparky maybe he needs to stand up to the challenge (as it were) of doing it twice. I find the second one can be very long and drawn out.

I often snatch a quick glance at my watch while I'm at it then time the ending to coincide with the begining of a film I want to watch.

OP posts:

3andnomore · 14/08/2008 13:23

lol at Diva....I am pretty sure it is teh wanking so often, in my dh's case.....whilst he could always go long....when we had more of a 1 to 1 sex, in the earlier years, he could come a bit quicker...not that we ever had a quicky as such....a quicky in our house is when we have sex for 15-30 minutes.

oh dear mummynewname....that was a close one!

sparky...your sexlife sounds a bit sad

maidamess · 14/08/2008 13:24

sparky thats terrible! Can you not have a quicky to finish him off then have a 2nd attempt, which is 'your turn' IYSWIM.

Or spend ages on 'other stuff' before he has a go.

Everyone has the right to a half decent sex life!

3andnomore · 14/08/2008 13:24

ooops...when I say 1-1...I menat, sex with eachother compared to him diy'ing more...not that anyone starts to get the wrong idea, lol

nooka · 14/08/2008 13:44

Sometimes my mind wanders, when it does I do my best to bring it back to the task in hand by concentrating on the physical. I used to find very inappropriate (and sometime distressing) images and thoughts would come into my head which really made me dislike sex as I would suddenly go from loving fun to complete disinterest (sometimes active dislike). dh loves to make me climax but I seem to be quite man like in that usually afterwards I just can't be bothered to do anything else. So sometimes dh finishes himself off (with a bit of help). Now that we love each other again (long story) this is not a problem. It does help that I have learned to masturbate (I'm 37 and I've only just learned this!).

I am of the school that regular sex is important, regardless of the quality (unless it is really bad) and have found that if you work on technique, communication etc it will be good most of the time. Sometimes that means it achieves intimacy rather than climax, but I think that's no bad thing.

nooka · 14/08/2008 13:47

A quicky in our house is also about half an hour. But most of that is foreplay of one sort or another. I sympathise with the three minutes, but I do think the smallest amount of sex is the penetrative bit, in fact too much of that can be a real turn off. You can have a lot of fun before (and after that).

3andnomore · 14/08/2008 13:52

lol...I was talking about penetrative sex a quicky being 15-30 minutes....

nooka · 14/08/2008 15:22

3andmore, well can be that way for us too, but I was thinking more of sparky's situation.

3andnomore · 14/08/2008 19:17

yes, sparky's situation is rather dire, I think

MindingMum · 14/08/2008 19:43

If you don't mind me asking nooka - how did you learn to masturbate? I am asking this seriously by the way as I have never done it(I'm 39) and whenever i have tried, it hasn't done anything for me.
I would love to be able to orgasm alone as Dh rarely wants to spend the amount of time needed to do it.

sorry for hijack.

OrmIrian · 14/08/2008 20:03

I pretend, to help get it over with. And whilst there are many different ways of reaching orgasm penetration isn't always the best one personally. And yes, it does get boring after a while. I wouldn't make him stop unless it had been going on for ages and I was starting to get bored and/or sore.

I'm sometimes bored before we even start but still go ahead because otherwise it might never happen .

nooka · 14/08/2008 20:10

MM it's been a gradual thing coupled with an improving sex life. I guess you could say that dh showed me how, so it's now part of our foreplay. I still don't feel any inclination to do it on my own. Not sure why. I'd say my sex drive isn't very high, but I don't think that's true. Just don't like playing solo, I guess.

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