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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What if someone kissed your DP when he was on a night out?

37 replies

Kaedsmum · 08/08/2008 19:17

Like tried to get off with him? And he pushed her away. Say she was pretty and she'd had a thing for him before you got together... but he didn't have a thing for her.

Then when he came home he told you as he didn't want you hearing it from anyone else.

How would you feel? Would you wonder how he got into the situation? Would it bother you?

OP posts:

Anniegetyourgun · 09/08/2008 14:23

Saultanpepper, the posters who are a bit suspicious are that way because they have been cheated on by men who swore blind that nothing was going on (some were even running a second family on the side). They are therefore entitled to a cynical - say rather, experienced - viewpoint. Fortunately, as far as we know in this case there is no reason to think the OP's friend's H is anything other than a genuine, faithful, caring partner. His actions were those of a decent man, but it's not unknown for less than decent men to fake it. We do see more than our fair share on these boards, for the obvious reason that this is where people come when they have problems with their relationships.

Anniegetyourgun · 09/08/2008 14:24

Or to put it another way: what Macd said.

saultanpepper · 09/08/2008 14:58

AGGG/macd

Don't dispute that you/others have been shat on. It happens, unfortunately, but most of us XY brigade are more than capable of suppressing our inner bastard.

Let me turn it round - what would you have had your DP's do in the same situation?

YouWillBeDeleted · 09/08/2008 15:04

My dp gets women doing this all the time - hes a dj. I go out with him quite often and sometimes he'll point who ever it was out to me. I usually just go into the toilets straight after them and pretend i'm talking on my phone saying 'yeah, xxx said some girl tried to come onto him last week but he said shes the uglyest minger hes ever seen and he wouldn't even if he was desperate etc' and laugh it off. I know i'm a saddo but it makes me feel better
Dp doesnt know i do it!

Anniegetyourgun · 09/08/2008 15:07

Oh, it never happened to me. If XH had told me that story, my first thought would be that he had made the whole thing up because he wanted me to think another woman would even want to kiss him. And I wouldn't have believed it.

toofriendly · 09/08/2008 15:14

Sultan- I did also say "My nasty suspicious mind..." so in a way it was more a comment on how I would react, than on what the actual likelihood of the man lying is, but he does have history and it would be a great way of making sure his DW hears his version of events first.

Definitely not intended as comment against all men, and very sorry to have caused offence - if it happened to my (middle aged) DH I would rofl - but the question was "would you wonder? " I also thought my 2nd comment was pretty tolerant TBH

Twelvelegs · 09/08/2008 15:25

I'd be pleased that he'd pushed her away but suspicious about how she thought she could take the risk of a kiss anyway.

Twelvelegs · 09/08/2008 15:27

My uncle used to tell his wife of 'rumours' and possible misunderstandings to make her prepared when people told her that he was having affairs. He was having affairs and fathered a child outside of his marriage.

saultanpepper · 09/08/2008 15:31

TF - no offence caused, I have a thick hide and yes your second comment was rather more balanced

AGGG - you had yourself a wrong'un. I'm genuinely sorry for your experiences but we're not all complete wnakers. And it isn't only men that cheat - there are plenty of us that have been on the receiving end of a 'less than decent' (as you put it) woman's infidelity.

I'm not trying to pick a fight btw - just putting a different view across.

mosschops30 · 09/08/2008 15:34

kaedsmum. In defence of your friends dh and all the people on here saying 'oh i wonder why he had to tell her in case anyone else did'.

I ended up out in our city, drinking with a mildly famous someone, nothing happened, AT ALL, but I told dh because I knew there might be a possibility of people seeing me out with this person and telling dh and I would rather he heard it from me

Anniegetyourgun · 09/08/2008 15:35

All views welcome, of course. /bow

whatdayisit · 09/08/2008 15:38

mosschops - wouldn't you have told your Dh simply becuase your were "drinking with a mildly famous someone" and he might be interested, rather than because you were worried he would hear it from someone else?

I always tell Dh what I've been up to on a night out and who I was with, just to make conversation. Sometimes he even shows some interest

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