He wants to come on holiday with us

[Radoxx]

Since I have been a single parent (4 years now) we have always been short of money. Never able to afford a holiday or anything but then about a year ago I found work and our finantial situation has improved dramatically. After paying debts off etc I booked a holiday to the US for me and my two boys as a celebration of our new lives.

We were REALLY looking foward to it, just the 3 of us.

Then I met someone, we were together a few months before things started getting more serious and he met my kids, I met his and everything was going great.

Then all of a sudden he started saying he wandered if there was still room on the plane and in the hotel for him to come along on the holiday. He never asked me, just assumed I'd want him too.

After a few hints (more than a few really) I asked my kids how they'd feel about it and they both said no, they want it just the 3 of us like planned.

In a way I'd love for DP to come along, adult company, a chance to be together but then on the other hand is it fair to change the holiday when the kids have been looking foward to it just been the 3 of us?

I more or less told DP that the kids were not keen on the idea and he just brushed it off saying they wouldn't be bothered soon as they'll be so excited and he can pursuade them with extra ice-cream etc (eldest is 12, not 3 lol )

What do I do? are the kids being spoilt or do they have a point?

[theexmrsfederer]

Personally, I think you should stick to your original plan and then plan something together next time.

It is not really fair of him to muscle in your family holiday, he doesn't have the "history" that you and your dc have. Wasn't this meant to be a celebration of a how times are better and how you have come through it together, just the 3 of you?

[theexmrsfederer]

sorry, I meant to add that I think he means well

[RambleOn]

I think you should stick to just you and the DCs.

But break to to him kindly

[MsDemeanor]

If you really like him, explain this was a treat for the kids to spend time 1-1 with you, and then book yourself a weekend somewhere swanky and sexy with him.

[MrsTicklemouse]

My StepMIL has been with FIL for 13 years but still every year takes her DD (now 15) from previous relationship away for a week just the two of them, they have a family holiday too bt i think its important to still have that time just them

i definitely think you should stick to the original plan, perhaps say its a nice idea but you'd prefer it how it was, perhaps you could have a weekend away alltogether later in the year?

[MrsTicklemouse]

x-posts with msdemeanor!!

great minds...

[solidgoldbrass]

I think with regard to this you have to put the DCs feelings first. He's a grown up and he will understand - from their point of view he hasn't been around for very long and they don't yet consider him 'family'.

And if he starts acting like a knob over this and whining or trying to make you change your mind, then you've got an early warning sign that he might be a bit of a PITA to live with as time goes by.

[missingtheaction]

agree with other posters - and if he throws a hissy fit then consider he may be expecting you to put him before your dcs. Not good. You had a deal with the kids to spend some quality time with them, only fair to honour that deal, breaking it sets a very bad example.

[missingtheaction]

agree with other posters - and if he throws a hissy fit then consider he may be expecting you to put him before your dcs. Not good. You had a deal with the kids to spend some quality time with them, only fair to honour that deal, breaking it sets a very bad example.

[expatinscotland]

The wisdom of MN has spoken!

Have a great holiday, Radoxx, with your kids .

[2rebecca]

Agree with above posters. You aren't even living with this guy from the sounds of things so I'd keep the holiday as it is and say you'll consider including him next year. I've been with my husband 5 years but still have holidays with just my son and I as it's nice to spend time together and I'm happy for my husband to spend time with his kids.
I think this would change the holiday hugely for your children.
I might be inclined to just ignore the hints, rather than have an argument if possible.

[Kally]

Kids come first I say. If you've struggled then they've been witnesses to this and your co's ... Just you and kids. Then let DP take you somewhere cheap and sexy (with what he would be spending by accompanying you lot to the USA). If you put it to DP, I'm sure he'd rather that.