would you leave your husband if....................

[sadder]

you did not love him.
he was cold ang grumpy at least half the time
his being aound meant you could go on holiday on your own
you had three kids aged 6,5,2
you liked is family and they liked you
your kids love him (he is their dad)
life would be hard day to day withou him around.
you had not made love in over a year and dont want to
you see no prospect of the relationship getting better.
its the kids tht keep you together

The fact that you don't love him then I would leave 100%

Without love it will never work Sorryx

As people say to me you will know when the time is right and what to do. Have an action plan ready incase you do go to move out. Sort out money so you have someting, gather together any documents i.e passports, birth certificates etc and leave them at parents or a friends. Also pack a bag with clothes ie pjs and day clothes and leave them at your parents just incase you would need to get out in a hurry at any time. Always keep myour mobile charged and with you at all times.

caligula I can't get out of my head what you said, that I am currently teaching my kids it is ok to live without love and respect.that is so true,terrible i know.

You and everyone else have given me a lot to think about.

How the heck do single parents manage???

I would stay but would have discreet affair and the odd shopping weekend in New York with a female friend or the affairee.

I am not being flippant (and sorry if this is not helpful) but this is what I would do.

to all you mumsnetters in unhappy relationships - huge, huge, cyberhugs. Been there & endured that!
Sadder, we single mummies do manage. I am about as far removed from supermum as you can get but I work part-time & have an aupair. The aupair means I have a bit of childcare for the 3 afternoons a week the children need collecting from nursery & school when I am at work & I have a babysitter on tap - yipee.
Because I work, I get working family tax credits & child tax credit & that with my earnings & ex-H's maintenance keeps us fed & housed.
The separation & divorce was grim but it is sooooo much better now.
You can be happy on your own

OK by anyone's account I should leave or more exactly ask him to go.
SO how exacly do i go about arranging childcare for the three days a wwe k I need to wework.? eldest two are at school 9-3.15. I work 9-5 three days aweek.
soon to be ex dh is not part of the equation.

how do I do it?????????

Message withdrawn

thank you esbee. how do i claim what is my entitlement?

i am so nervous and scared.
The thought of a stranger watchin gmy children is just terrible. TERRIBLE> When the alternative is I suck it up with my dh and put up with our totally NON relationship just for the kids' sake.
Tyhey love their daddy.

Oh God I am so confused and upset.

Message withdrawn

sadder, I'm a single mum and I work 3 days a week and I had a childminder for 3 yrs, a nanny for 18 months & now have an aupair. All 3 have been fantastic & worked really well at the time. So, take heart it can be done.
How about putting an ad in the local newsagents or even looking at the ads already there - you may find what you are looking for. Another good thing is to start telling everyone that you are looking for someone - you'll be amazed who might know someone, who knows someone!!!
I also claim child tax & working family tax credit - it is dead easy, just fill out a paper form or do it online via the Inland Revenue. I found their helpline good when I needed some advice.

Sadder I totally recommend the inland revenue helpline, their website calculations are a bit crap, but their helpline ones are more accurate and will give you an idea of what money you'll have.

Also, discuss with your employer if you can work 4 days until 2.45pm or whatever you need to so that you can collect the kids, instead of 3 days 9-5. Also home working one day a week - is that possible in your job?

The kids might love their dad, but there's no reason for them to lose the relationship with him when you're no longer with him, and leaving him for a better life is not a bad thing to do; you're teaching them to expect life to be good, not miserable.

Can I also reassure you about managing as a single mum - sometimes I read Mumsnet threads and realise how lucky I am to be one. There are worse thing, honest. And sometimes it's a breeze!

(I'm not belittling anyone else's struggles, just saying that I personally have found it infinitely easier and more enjoyable than living with my ex-partner!)