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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I have been officially dumped

22 replies

objectivity · 06/08/2008 11:35

After much wrangling he has decided to end things. Not a bit of space anymore, tis the end.

Except he goes on to say he isn't sure if he is doing the right thing and cannot imagine a whole week without me and is very sad.

I'm leaving. Can't bear being next door to him every day. He is begging me to stay and be friends.

Why so hard?

OP posts:

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 06/08/2008 11:36

Poor you
breaking up is hard but it gets better. I feel for you xxx

Dior · 06/08/2008 11:39

Message withdrawn

Original poster

objectivity · 06/08/2008 11:44

He is trying to make me feel bad for leaving.

OP posts:

Carmenere · 06/08/2008 11:48

Oh I have very little time for idiots those who want to remain friends with someone they have just dumped. It shows very little respect.
I mean in some cases you can be friends eventually but generally it is a case of them selfishly wanting to appear 'nice' .

Better off out of there Ob, you will be fine and find someone who knows his mind and can't bear to be without you. xxx.

Kewcumber · 06/08/2008 11:52

I don;t undestand - why is he trying to make you feel guilty if he is the one who ended things?

Niceychops · 06/08/2008 12:22

I am really sorry about the rough time you are having.

To be honest, I think a lot of men do this as a way of keeping their foot in the door in case they decide they have made a mistake.

It is wrong for him to try and make you feel guilty. He has chosen to end it and you need to do what is right for you so that you can move on with your future. That may mean keeping him at arm's length for a while.

Good luck it gets easier, it really does!!

stirlingmum · 06/08/2008 13:04

I think it just makes them feel better to know that you will still be their friend. They dont want to be hated!

When h and I were discussing breaking up, he said the same and was really shocked when I told him I couldn't be friends and the only way I could deal with him leaving me was to hate him.

JumpingDizzy · 06/08/2008 13:52

Is he wanting his cake and eat it do you think?

I've stayed friends with exs. Good friends with exdh but dust had to settle first.

Original poster

objectivity · 06/08/2008 18:43

I don't know. Idon't deal with these things very well. I am in bits.

OP posts:

lou33 · 06/08/2008 18:48

sorry to hear this

he does sound like he is projecting his guilt onto you, and trying to keep his options open

have a good cry today, then out of pure spitr if nothing else, slowly pick yourself back up and dont give him the benefit of seeing you cant cope without him

because you WILL

lou33 · 06/08/2008 18:49

spite i mean

Original poster

objectivity · 06/08/2008 18:50

Thanks lou. Have started anothr thread because I am not sure I'll be ok.

OP posts:

lou33 · 06/08/2008 18:51

i havent seen it

i know it doesnt feel like you will, i have been there, but you will, honestly

zippitippitoes · 06/08/2008 18:53

i had all this friends gibberish when exp left me last year

totally unexpected he just decided to go but wanted me to be his best friend

so muggins was and just carried on the relationship for 6 weeks but with him living in a bedsit

then he met a woman and that was that

lou33 · 06/08/2008 18:54

i think friendship is only possible when you have detached yourself emotionally from the relationship you had

Dior · 06/08/2008 22:06

Message withdrawn

beanieb · 06/08/2008 22:14

Carmenere is so right. I wanted to keep being friends with my ex. I soon realised it didn't matter what I wanted, as the dumper, I didn't have that right .

It s guilt.

exDH · 30/09/2008 00:43

I agree with Carmenere. My xW wants us to be good friends.

To be honest, it is impossible to be friends with someone that has dumped you like a sack of potatoes in my opinion.

Allow yourself to get angry, you have every right

solidgoldbrass · 30/09/2008 00:46

Objectivity: apologies if I have totally the wrong end of the stick here but - is this the 'landlord' who has been fucking you around and all-but-raping you and blackmailing you? Because if so, he's not your friend and 'dumping' you is the only decent thing he's ever done for you.

I apologise unreservedly if I have the wrong information here.

nappyaddict · 30/09/2008 02:45

i totally agree with lou this is about him keeping his options open. i had a twat of an ex who did this last year. went missing for about 3 days then finally got in touch to say he wasn't sure what he wanted. after a few meetings and conversations he still wasn't quite sure. on our last meeting he even wanted a kiss goodbye and insisted we would stay friends and that he probably just needed some space to get his head around everything. oh and then about a month later i saw him out and he decided to come and plonk himself down next to me and chat to me for about 20 minutes. he would also try and chat to me on msn etc.

i then found he'd told his new gf i was annoying, clingy, wouldn't leave him alone and that he tried to have nothing to do with me. yes cos i asked him to keep in touch didn't i

i realised he was telling his gf what she wanted to hear but staying nice to me just incase things went sour with her. needless to say i haven't spoken to him since. up until i found that out i probably would have taken him back like the idiot i am.

Alexa808 · 30/09/2008 02:54

Carmenere and Lou are bang on. He is just trying to soften your heart so that you are available for a hug shag should no one else come along or in case it doesn't work out with the new GF.

Kally · 30/09/2008 08:20

Had the same thing. A guy I once dated gentley dumped me but he wanted to still be 'buddies'. I said it doesn't work like that. He kept texting me. I answered politely but never took his bait.
Months passed and I foolishly sent him an email to see how he was (by now I had another BF and was quite confident and happy, that is why I did it)and all his response was a bunch of sexual inuendos and 'what about a 'one last time' thing'.. Just keep yourself clear of him and heal.

Flip