Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Husband left - advice and help wanted

48 replies

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 17:35

I have posted before when my h decided he was bored of our relationship and left (2 months ago) We have a dd 2 and the whole situation came as a massive shock to me and i was totally devastated - he came home 2 weeks later and we started councelling. it is our wedding anniversary tomorrow (3yrs) and we are due to go on holiday saturday with another couple and their ds - He was very quiet this weekend and after leaving to go to work this morning i noticed a text on my mobile from him saying sorry, but he wasn't happy and he didn't want to go on holiday with us and that it had been playing on his mind all weekend. I was so angry, hurt that I was shaking I went upstairs and noticed he had packed all his bathroom bits ready to go!! - I called him and basically told him how could he do this to me and DD who is so looking forward to going on her holiday with her mummy and daddy - he just said nothing (which he always does) I can't believe that he couldn't of spoken to me at the weekend and that our 6 year relationship and 3 year marriage has been ended by text - I have bagged all his clothes, shoes etc and my mum has them for him to collect. He cried on the phone and then put the phone down on me and that was the end of that. I told him his stuff was with my mum and he just said ok. I have heard nothing from him all day! I just feel so hurt, betrayed and very angry! This time 3 years ago I was the happiest person in the world now I feel my heart has been broken and have no idea how to move on!! any advice x

OP posts:

beanieb · 04/08/2008 19:39

If you are worried about the house take all your important paper-work, bank books etc, and anything you really worry he might take, to a friends house?

Original poster

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 19:43

he has just spoke to my mum and collected his clothes - feel so upset now it seems like its final now - my mum said he sounded happy and was shocked when she wasn't nice to him!

OP posts:

forevercleaning · 04/08/2008 19:46

do you know where he is staying?

Great that the holiday is with friends, you will still have a great time, and the sun will be shining, which is always a boost to the system.

Original poster

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 19:48

off to spain for a week was looking forward to a "family holiday' but guess I have to use the holiday as a relaxing break I am going with my best friend and her DP and their DS i know they love me and will look after me and DD - Re: the locks god plan MNP will get my mum to sort it whilst away! still not heard from him which has shocked me somewhat!

he has just spoke to my mum and collected his clothes - feel so upset now it seems like its final now - my mum said he sounded happy and was shocked when she wasn't nice to him!

OP posts:

deepinlaundry · 04/08/2008 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 21:39

no - I really don't not being naive but I know him and that's not him!

OP posts:

georgimama · 04/08/2008 21:43

what a twunt.

Is he very young? It just sounds so immature to suddenly decide he doesn't want to play anymore.

Sorry, very little constructive to offer expect enjoy your holiday and definitely change the locks, worry about the legality of the situation later when the locks are safely changed - if he is capable of taking money intended for your daughter's future he is capable of anything.

SalVolatile · 04/08/2008 21:55

Sorry but I think tere's someone else too, so brace yourself, please

forevercleaning · 05/08/2008 06:58

Hi Julie - hows things this morning? Hope you got a good nights rest. x

laura325630 · 05/08/2008 10:52

Hi, I was thinking about you last night. How are things today?

Original poster

juliec26 · 06/08/2008 15:40

well it all went very wrong on Monday night I got a call from his mum (who I get on well with) saying he had spoken to her and she thinks he is having a nervous breakdown and that he doesn't know what he is doing - she also said he had nowhere to go and that legally the house was half his and that I am not allowed to change locks etc.. she was sobbing and at first I felt angry that after the day I had I had to now listen to all this as I was the one that wanted to sob! then I worried that this was totally not like him and maybe he was depressed??? anyway she got me to call him and I said he could come home only if he would talk - which he did - said he felt down, stressed, work was getting to him, he has lost his libdo etc etc - I certainly wasn't nice to him as I told him that the way he behaved was that of a teenager and that I wanted more from our marriage than to have a husband that could be so horrible - I have let him stay for DD sake, but I now feel that I am in control of the situation and that if he doesn't start treating me how I deserve that their are plenty other men that will (which I told him) he was totally shocked especially when he realized that I planned to go on holiday without him - Hope my attitude has given him the kick up the arse he needed, but my guard is up and time will tell as I have to be happy too! xx

OP posts:

forevercleaning · 06/08/2008 18:53

glad to hear you are talking things through. Did he explain about taking your dd 3 grand, and has he returned it?
hope you enjoy your hols x

Original poster

juliec26 · 06/08/2008 18:56

said it is in the trust fund account- checked and it was - hopefully holiday will be the break we need and we are going to councelling tomorrow night! but time will tell x

OP posts:

takingitasitcomes · 07/08/2008 10:32

So glad that you are talking this through - sounds like he really is in a bad way. Good sign that he's willing to go to counselling again. That can be a lifesaver if you're both willing to put your hearts into it. Good luck! TIAIC x

rookiemater · 07/08/2008 10:37

Juliec26, just to be on the safe side I would still put a block on withdrawals from the savings account unless both people have signed it.

He sounds unpredictable and whilst it is right and proper that you should hope for the best, it is also sensible to make sure that your DD has financial security. If your DH is serious about reconciliation, then he should understand that this is a reasonable thing to do in the circumstances.

takingitasitcomes · 07/08/2008 11:18

Totally agree with Rookiemater - very sensible.

Original poster

juliec26 · 18/08/2008 09:23

we have just come back from holiday and he decided that he still isn't happy so he has moved out - I feel totally devastated yet again and can't believe after all that he said he has just left again - i feel like he came on holiday for selfish reasons and by his own admission he made no effort on our relationship whilst away! I have no idea what to tell my dd (2.5) she keeps asking where is my daddy and I guess the face when have just spent 7 days a week 24 hours a day really hasn't helped - what do i tell her??? - I can't seem to stop crying and feeling anxious - I know times a great healer, but just don't know how to cope!?

OP posts:

JessJess3908 · 18/08/2008 17:21

At least you'll always know that you did everything you could to save your marraige and keep your family together for your daughter's sake.

He, on the ohter hand, has behaved like a total twat.

Ask your mum to come and help you look after DD for a couple of days? Have a good cry and scream til you're totally exhausted. Then get up and start building a new and better life for yourself.

Jane1979 · 18/08/2008 17:34

Hi Juliec,

How are you feeling? has there been anymore contact today.

Please be strong and take care.

Keep posting, it really helps x x

Original poster

juliec26 · 18/08/2008 19:04

Hi - feeling ok - just having to tell people is hard - have a friend who is coming to drop some money off for my h and will have to tell her which is hard, but she is a friend and feel i cant lie to her! dd is playing up and times like this when I wonder how you all do it!! dd is refusing to go to bed and so far today haven't been able to eat! - I have heard nothing from him, but then I don't expect too!! posting on here is keeping me going! xx

OP posts:

JessJess3908 · 19/08/2008 12:20

Hi Juliec,

How did it go with your friend? Did it help to speak to someone in RL?

Just keep going one day at a time x

Original poster

juliec26 · 20/08/2008 11:20

Need some advice H has been texting asking to see dd - says i am not being fair by asking for time to come to terms with the fact he left me! and that I am being damaging to dd if I don't let him see her! I am scared he will get nasty with me and stop money to us if I don't let him see her, but it has only been 3 days and I don't feel ready to face it, plus I have to answers the questions from dd about why daddy has gone?? Any ideas - have no idea what to do???x

OP posts:

Greyclay · 20/08/2008 15:34

I'm probably not the most knowledgeable person about this sort of thing, but have you consulted any legal advice yet? You may need to start taking control and taking action about visitation/custody issues. Also, if you are ok with your H seeing his daughter and you are not, could you get a third party to help? For example getting a family member or trusted friend to drop off your daughter and pick her up so you don't have to deal with him? Just some suggestions...I'm sure there are others out there with more experienced advice than me.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread