I?ve posted on here before about how I feel a little resentful my DH for leaving me to be the main earner for years as well as the chief cook and bottle-washer and the school runner and the main carer. For various complex reasons that's the way it worked out. Now he's going to be a LSA - which is great as he can do the afternoon school run (small cheer!) and we won't have holiday childcare stress anymore (huge cheer!). But because he will get paid peanuts I have to go back to work full-time. I have worked all the time my children were little - taken basic maternity leave - and I only went part-time when my 3rd child was born. And, to be absolutely honest, I wanted to be a SAHM, or at least to have the chance to see if I was any good at it. I seem to have missed my children's early years in some ways - always thinking about what I had to the next day, working late if there was a problem, being too tired to be the constantly patient and involved mother I wanted to be. I hadn't honestly given any thought to whether I would work full-time again - I think in my heart I was still waiting for some miracle that meant maybe I could give up work altogether. And my youngest is now 5 and my eldest is off to secondary school in September. So bang goes that - babyhood, toddlerdom, all done and dusted and back to full-time work I go . DH (and many of my friends) have asked me if I'm OK with the situation - I've said that I was because I didn't want to get into discussions about it and because it was the only logical thing to do anyway. And I like to pretend to be logical...
Life is going to get easier. Much easier in many ways. I won't be trying to work and get to school in time for 3pm. I won't spend ages arranging summer holiday childcare and calling in favours from all and sundry. It will be lovely to come home to a house full of people and (if I'm very lucky) dinner cooking and lunchboxes sorted etc (). So I should be happy. But I'm feeling so sad and a little angry. It's like a door has closed on part of my life before I had a chance to enjoy it.
How to get over this before it boils over and causes rows and pain?