Partner being a dick...pls hlp me finish it and MEAN it, and advice on how t stop texting and phoning him!!!!

[caitlinnjacksmummy]

Hey, this post will be long sorry....usually post on "spcial needs" forum as my 17 mnth old DS1 has a genetic disorder resulting in severe epilepsy, global development delay and hypotonia(v.low muscle tone), has at least 1 seizure a day, can't sit unaided and prob won't walk til 4 or 5, he is my partner of nearly 6 years' son, also have a DD1,7 from prev relationship who calls my partner dad as her real dad has nthn to do with her(his choice for lst 2,3 years) BASTARD, anyway... with all this t deal with my partner has not lived with us for bout a year and a half, due to the fact I found out he was taking cocaine, n kpt catching him in my house with it before my Ds1 was born, but me being stupid believed him evrytime he sed he would stop...and as I was preg with my ds1, also had 2 miscariages before having him,so stressful time as it was, but def no excuse, also had miscrriage jan this year, by accident this time, but still hurt tremendously, also went thru horrendous pnd after ds1 was born, so eventually after ds1 was born...sometime after, as i was gettn over pnd I found cocaine by going thru his wallet and thru him out...and ever since he hs not lived with us, but still been seeing him, I know, stupid amn't I? But will not let him come bk as still do not trust him, but hand on heart hav not seen any signs of him being on it since he left, but, he has bn really abuive in arguments,not violent, but mentally, mking fun of me, as I hav put on bit weight, tellin me in explicit detail how he has bn with other people then bktrackin afterwards saying he was trying to hurt me etc , calling ME a "nutter" as I am on diazepam from Dr t help me deal with my DS1's probs, as I am devastated, but even tho he is simply evil a lot of the time, I still text n phone him after it etc WTF?! Why can't I finish it and mean it?! My dd1 is older nw and realises wat is going on, wen e argue etc and don't want her to think this is how a man shud treat u etc...see he stays just up street from me at his dad's home nd his friends live across the road from me and I know I would find it soo hard t finish it as I will see him everywhere ....but he has draggd me dwn to feelin like nothing, and veryone says to me all the time"why are u still with him"?! Pls hlp me

Poor you sounds very stressful and horrible. I don't know what to suggest except that if you want to end it you can...and you will. There may be bumps on the way but you can do it.

Can you move house? It's going to be tough enough as it is without him being up the road from you. And do what you can to meet other people asap - if you spend less time thinking about him you'll be less tempted to text etc.

He may be horrible but he's one constant in what sounds like a horrendous, turbulent life. Of course you'd be much better off without him, as you know yourself, but it's understandable that you don't have the strength at the moment with everything else you have to deal with. Be kind to yourself, keep saying you ARE worth more, do that meeting other people thing, keep taking the diazepam if it helps (he takes coke then calls YOU a nutter?!), get counselling if you can manage to grab some time for it, and forgive yourself. Then sooner or later you will find the strength to give him his marching orders and really mean it. Your children are much more important and much nicer than him and they need your time and care. He doesn't.

You've done very well to cope with everything life has thrown at you.
Be proud of your acheivements and tell yourself that you do not deserve this verbal abuse.
Nothing said on here can make you stop contacting him, only you can do that.

agree with everyone else here. you have enough to cope with without making life more difficult by letting him put you down. I agree that maybe you should look into moving if possible? as it must be so hard when he is so close to you.

What you are going through sounds unimaginably hard . Because your self esteem is so low at the moment from how DP has been treating you and you must be exhausted as well, you can't see that you could find someone new who would treat you properly and make you feel loved and supported - IF you were free from your DP. You do deserve this and you are good enough to get it. You have to leave DP properly first though.

Well posted in august, nw OCTOBER, and still goin round in circles with dp, cant stop phoning him or txting after arguing, n honestly dont think could be treated any worse from anyone, he goes thru periods of promising, ok he'll b different thn bk t normal again , doesnt live with us. Pls gimme some advice

C&JM, I'm sorry, didn't know you were dealing with this shit too (waves from SN board AKA vicsta). Tell him to fuck off, every time you want to phone or text, look at those beautiful kids, think back to how you felt when you found that coke, stamp on the phone ANYTHING - don't do it. Life is hard enough. One step at a time - after an argument, leave it 1/2 hour, then another, then another (I did this giving up smoking) until you find the day has passed. Don't give in. He'll probably come running to you then, and that'll open up another can of worms. Be strong. Anyone who says the things he does when you deal with so much is just NOT WORTHY OF YOU.

Hey feeling bitter lol,

yeah I never knew...are u st vicsta on sn's?

Yeah am just ttly upset, finally realised it's over, 6 years nearly, feel like my head is gonna burst wi all this shit!!

U goin through the same as me yeah?

It's utter crap ay? Will be removing his photos from my profile...feel like a just wanna be on my own 4ever

He is a bastard. Thinkin bout changing my mob number, but then hw will a get in touch bout Jack seeing him? aaaaaaaahhh, just wanna scream

Msn me if u have it? Mine is [email protected]

Life is shit and we all have shit to deal with. That's about the truth of it. All of us have crap to deal with, but some crap is worse than others. It seems like you have a bloody huge plateful of hard work and not much reward, I expect.

Thing is, your DP has shit to deal with too. Why does he take that stuff? Does he find it too hard to be a dad? Is he a lad, who thinks he's too young to settle down? Is he scared of your little boy's illness and doesn't know how to handle it?

I know this sounds very wishy washy, but sometimes if you can understand why someone is being a total twunt, it's easier to get over the anger you feel towards them. Maybe he might agree to get help with his habit if you approach it from a different angle? (Sorry if talking crap, you clearly know him better than me )

Don't let him take the mickey out of you, sweetheart. You are a mother who is dealing with so much stress and hard work every day of your life, so that your children can feel loved and wanted. If you are 10lbs overweight whilst doing it, good for you. It's much easier to look gorgeous when you don't live with your children isn't it? He should know! Bloody cheek!