Have name changed for this, cowardly I know, and long, sorry. There have been many discussions on whether a marriage can survive without sex, the consensus seeming to be for the ones I have read, that it is OK as long as both agree to it. I am very confused at my personal feelings.
Bit of backgound. I live in Australia, moved here 18 months ago for hubbys job, have a lovely house, granite worktops, swimming pool and have become a SAM. When I met DH, we both had full on careers, travelled a lot.I had been with a number of short and bad relationships. Was not love at first sight or passionate really with DH but he was (and still is a lovely bloke), great company and solid and steady.
Sex dwindled to nothing pretty quickly, I put it down to us having to go through IVF to conceive. We also were both career mad, pretty exhausing.
After I got pregnant we did not have sex for 18 months, pregnancy + 10 months. Since then we have sex 2/3ish times a year. Always instigated by me. After the birth of DS (4) I started to really need sex, wanting the closeness of it.He refuses to discuss our lack of it, saying "I know I Know" when I want to talk about it. He is a very closed person and I don't want to hurt his feelings.
Now in Oz he works away 3 out of 4 weeks a month. For the nights he is home he goes to the gym or stays up late. I have started noticing that this is deliberate. He is avoiding the bedroom. I have started to feel very lonely, unattractive and the biscuit barrel is my new best friend, counter acted by me habitually running, feel better after that.
Last night I made him talk about it, he says he just does not want to have sex at all. I now do not want him to touch me at all. In all other ways we get on well, he is a brilliant Dad and provider.
I just feel my life is pointless with no work fun, I am on my own all the time supporting him in raising the family, keeping in touch with family back home, making sure we have a great social life (we are seen as a very happy couple). Work gets all the energy from DH and I get a good mate and an easy life and ability to do pretty much what I want.
I feel like I am living a lie and shutting down part of who I am, have always been pretty sexually active before DH. When he came along he was like a lovely comfy pair of slippers that I could finally settle with.
Loads of my mates work full time, with rubbish partners and little cash. I am the opposite, sometimes I just needed to be reminded which was is up. My alternative would be us back in london, him in Oz, twice a year visits for DS, me working full time again, him in childcare.
However I am starting to find this appealing, the challenge of it I think and freedom to go back to unpredicatble relationships.
Anyone with any thoughts or experience on this?? Would appreciate it, big time x