I am really quite cross....

[Squirdle]

...with my brother.

Ok, I did tell a little white lie at the beginning of the week because he wanted to come and stay and I didn't want him to, but also didn't want to hurt his feelings.

I said DS3 was ill so I couldn't do it this week.

The reason for this is that my younger brother called me on Sunday saying that when my older brother (the one who wants to stay) went over there for the evening, he drank constantly, swore constantly and told YB girlfriend lots of personal things which really weren't up to him to tell.

I decided that I couldn't cope with this and I have also had most of my family on the phone moaning about OB's attitude all weekend.

So instead of offending OB and telling exactly why I said what I said.

He has sent a text today saying that he won't bother asking again as I clearly don't want him there....

Well TBH I don't, and certainly not now! I don't feel he would be a very good influence on my children. He will sit in one chair, drink and smoke (outside cos he'd never get away with that here) and probably swear a lot. He will moan constantly about other family members and probably depress me even more than I feel now. I will be running around after 3 children and him because he won't even get up off his chair to make a drink. DH works away Mon - Fri so I wouldn't evven have him here to support me.

My brother is a 'the world owes him everything' type and my children WILL NOT be like that.

He lives at home with our parents, doesn't pay a penny for his keep (he says he has offered, but there are more ways of contributing aren't there?) and he is totally disrespectful towards our father (who had a cardiac arrest last year and nearly died)

TBH, I have had enough of pretty much all of my family. All they do is whine about each other...to me! I live 2 hours away for a reason! It's not far enough it seems. I'm fed up with being the one to keep the peace, fed up with trying to come up with reasons for why so and so said this that and the other. I'm not doing it anymore. I have enough to deal with. OB knows I am going through a particularly difficult time atm, but still he thinks that the world revolves around him.

It's made me quite sad.

Sorry for the rant, I needed to!!

not sure what to say, but can appreciate it must be upsetting for you. Take care.

I can understand your frustration and upset. My family drive me mad too at times, especially the internal bickering.

But on the plus side, you have a result! Your brother doesn't want to visit you. You don't want him to visit either (for very good reasons) - so let him sulk. He is the loser, in all senses. What a sad life he leads

I did send him a message back saying 'Ok, if you want to take it that way, then carry on. I have children, and children get ill, it's life. I'm sorry I can't cope with ill children and visitors. I think you need to get a grip on reality to be quite honest. I don't need this'

That was an hour ago, he hasn't replied and quite frankly, I don't care.

Yes you are right ProvincalLady. I don't want him here.

I would have him here, when my mind was in a better place, but right now, with them all calling to moan and other issues I am trying to deal with atm, I cannot do it. I would have done soon to be nice....not now!

Sounds like a win/win situation to me. You get for him not to visit, and he gets to moan about how hard done by he is!
With any luck, he'll start suspecting that you really don't want him around and why not. You might have done everyone a favour. Stick to your guns!

I just don't think I want to do the 'family' thing anymore. None of them make an effort to see my children, the only time they see them or even speak to them is when we go down to see everyone and even then not a lot of effort is made.

I still want to see my sister as we do get on well, but even she moans about them (although it's kind of a mutual feeling thing between us iyswim) and she has my 2 lovely nephews.

But my mum, dad and brother who all live in the same house are always 'oh woe is me' and then think they can drag everyone else down with them. They were like this before dads Cardiac arrest. I do feel sorry for my dad as he is treated like dirt in his own home, but part of me feels like he just doesn't help himself. I have told him not to put up with it, but he is too soft. Mum tends to be as bad as my brother tbh.

And the reason my brother wnated to come and stay in the first place was to get away from them for a bit....that was his main priority. Not to see us!

Isn't that what hotels are for?

Your family sounds so like mine...

The important thing is you don't want him in your home/around your kids. He might be huffy for a while but he will get over it.

I find I have to try and distance myself from my family's constant issues or I'd go mad!

Stick to your guns. Your brother shouldnt be able to come and treat your place like a hotel. He sounds very much like my brother and my brother would never thank me/respect me for letting him treat me like a doormat. He would just take it as his due and then take the piss even more.

Good luck!!