ships that pass in the night.. ??? v pissed off with dh

[littlenell]

sorry ladies, just having a total rant and moan
my dh runs a company with his dad, and is 'very busy' man etc etc........for example right now hes sorting new accounts systems (or something) and is v deep into it. on top of that things arent going great workload wise. the usual 'hello darling i'm just making a coffee and thought i'd ring you..'conversations, which he used to make often, have died last few weeks, and no dont exsist and i miss them. now when he gets home hes fed up, and sits in the bath for hours, or he rallies a mate and has a few beers out. frankly -and i know i'm sounding like a cow here, i'm fed up. i'm tired, bored and lonely. i've no-one to talk too (aside from you guys!), i've no help with youngest dd, and no conversation in the evenings. i've tried listening, i;ve tried not asking about work, i've tried saying hey what about alittle home life. but to no avail. i KNEW i married a workaholic, but its getting worse. now i'm so pissy with him i find it hard to even be nice. arent i awful. okay, end of moaning session. sigh.

I've none either. My DP runs his own business which conveniently is in Manchester, but we live in London.

I get 3-5 nights alone a week. I quite like it after junior bedtime though as can chill and watch TV (no sport), don't have to cook dinner, be charming etc and then can go to bed and read historical novels.

Actually I do quite like it.

Its hardest after a holiday though when we have got used to being together and I have got used to someone else doing the odd nappy etc

It helps to have the odd girly night if you can. Get them to come to you (no baby sitting worries) then you feel you have a life too and are not just a domestic slave innit.

hi littlenell, sorry to hear of your probs. My dh is equally infuriating but for the opposite reason. I wish he would put in a bit more effort with our business. He's never up before 10am, stops for coffee about 11am, lunchbreak in front of the telly for about an hour, has a 'quiet time' in the afternoon when again he watches telly and often has a nap, tea break at 4pm, dinner break from about 6pm to 9pm, in bed about midnight to 1am. It's fair to say that he isn't quite this bad every day - but even so, I think he is a lazy whatsit. we run a pub. Perhaps our dhs could learn from each other!

Same here, we only talk about important issues on the phone, when he is at home is either too tired, too busy or playing with DS. Curiously enough, I feel more relaxed when he is away, probably because that way I don't have a chance to get angry with him for being in the house but not being there IYWIM.

omg littlenell and redsky, you two sound like good candidates for Wife Swap (do you have that show on telly in the UK?) Two extreme ends of the spectrum...

littlenell, have you tried saying something like, "when you don't call me or talk to me during the day, I feel (insert emotion here eg lonely/frustrated/unloved/isolated)."

At least he used to call you, my dh never thinks of it unless he's trying to suck up about something.

But think about it - if you are showing your frustration/anger/etc by being short with him (pissy!) or sarcastic etc, he is not very likely to want to even be around you, let alone talk to you. So, he stays in the bath alone or goes out with his mates. You need to tell him exactly how his behaviour is affecting you, without accusing him of doing it deliberately (because chances are he simply isn't).

HTH.

know just how you feel littlenell. get bored and lonely too sometimes. my fp does little work goes to pub majority of days for a pint at lunch. he does cook tea a lot. but they can be selfish and lazy cant they. my dp is a mans, man. he gives me little sex and have wandered recently. we women like lots of pampering (verbally i mean) dont we ? if he is not careful he will lose you. try telling him how you feel calmly, throw in his good points to keep him listening. get out on a girls nite soon it helps.

same her chandra, feel more relaxed when he is out cos he will be on sofa or playing boys battle games on this computer whilst i get the tenth load of washing out of the machine, and wipe little one bottom etc. would really like him to be here, offer to do a chore then become passionate and tell me he wants to make mad passionate love to me ! ITS ONLY A DREAM !

Do you think this is just a temporary thing LN? I think it's very 'male' to get absorbed in work problems and forget that real life still goes on. Can you talk to him about this?

aw, thanks ladies, nice to have company here!!
yes i think its a temporary thing, BUT its a reoccurring temporary thing
maltesers -my dh doesnt even know where everythign is kept in this house! once he unloaded the dishwasher -huge novelty- and had to ask where every single thing went! frustrating isnt it?
Pinksky, something i didnt want to hear, but your right too. i am being sarky and bitchy now , simply cause i'm tired of waiting for him to 'have time' for me. (i get pencilled in like a meeting!!) of course thats not helping, but i am not the greatest at biting my tongue guess i had better learn huh?
Suppose i am just feeling abit sorry for myself. hes a nice dh often, just very self centred and pig headed about alot too.
i think mumsnet IS my girlie night out

oops sorry pinkwhistle, mixed up your names!

suggest to him that you would like to go for a drink and get a babysitter. know its hard to turn a male chauvanist into a hands on 2005 partner. maybe if you really want, tell him in no uncertain terms that if things dont improve that your ralationship will be lost.