Do you have many friends......

[mum2samandalex]

after being a sahm for the last few years ive noticed that ive lost touch with alot of people and that i havent really got that many close friends.Feeling a bit depressed and lonely

Im incredibly lonely. Like others I was bullied at school, had friends steal from me and generally take advantage. A couple that I thought were good friends Id now say were 'fairweather' friends.

I left my hometown 6 years ago, was having probs and just thought 'sod it', I had nowhere to turn and it was at this time I met dp whos been amazing. We have a ds 2 and dd 4 months, and while I have friends through dp I dont have any of my own. Our friends dont have children so we dont get invited to join them for things, and as neither my dp nor I live near family we dont have any extra support.

I think it was the bullying etc that led me to put up barriers when around other people, and for generally feeling like Im so crap I couldnt possibly have any decent friends. I have trouble going outside, and I dont see anyone all day every day until my dp comes home from work. I tried going to a mum and baby group here a couple of times but felt like I stuck out, and like the other mums were scrutinising (sp?) me so didnt go back. Theres a tumble tots group near me, and groups held at ds' nursery but I havent got the courage to go.

Just wish I could wave a magic wand or something!

I have about 4 really good friends that I could call on in an emergency, the others are acquaintances or mothers from ds's nursery class.

I am an only child and am quite happy in my own company which imo plays an important part of it all.

Im glad im not the only one i felt ok until i went on facebook i think it just made me feel sad thinking about some of the friends ive lost touch with since having children Ive always said dh was my best friends and in fact he was before we got together. I think now ive got two boys i miss having girly company i feel like a right sad loser lol

I'm in the same boat, if it's any consolation. As a kid we moved a lot and I was also home educated from the age of nine so I think I didn't learn how to make friends very well. I had a lot of friends as a kid but after moving far away at the age of 11 I never quite regained that number, and was lonely throughout my teens. I find it really hard to connect with new people, especially as I find small talk agony and would rather not bother. I've got to the stage where I've been alone for so long, I feel more relaxed when it's just me and DP, it just feels normal. But sometimes I really miss having friends you can rely on and who care for you. DP's family live nearby and so does my mum, but that's pretty much it. I have a few old friends I'm still loosely in touch with online, but they all live far away and we hardly ever talk.

I always said to myself that when I have kids (am 36 weeks with my first) I'll get the courage up to go to lots of mum and baby things, because I don't want him to learn to behave like me and be a hermit also But from some of the posts above, toddler groups etc sound quite scary! Well, scary if you don't like small talk. Perhaps it's easier when you have something in common to chat about, I don't know...
Anyway, I'm sure we're all perfectly nice people with lots to offer, it seems to be a mixture of circumstance and fear/shyness in most cases. Sad really I would love lots of friends again!

I am rubbish at small talk to! Had to endure agonising meeting at work yesterday where everyone was basically just talking about stuff I had no interest in and couldnt see the point of (30 mins spent talking about where to relocate the fridge in our office, who cares?) I dont know whether I've never been good at small talk or if I've just got worse. Going to be try and brave tomorrow and venture to a toddlers swimming morning at our local pool though have been worrying for ages about baring my saggy flesh in a swimsuit...

Oh this thread is so sad
You all sound so lovely too. I have a couple of close friends, but apart from that I don't really have a social life. I don't chat to the mums at school, although did meet one years ago that I still talk to now even though her ds moved schools.

I drop ds off in the car and he goes in alone (he's just leaving yr 4), but when I used to go in with him, I never bothered with the other mums.

One thing i can say, when I had dd 12 yrs ago, I went to lots of mums n toddler groups to try and get to meet people, but never did. I have found that the people I did meet along the way never required hard work at the beginning, ie going out of my way to be nuice just so I could see if 'this one' would work and become a friend. Honestly, you don't have to try very hard to be nice, if people are cliquey and unfriemndly, they are not all of a sudden going to be nice just because you have gone over and made an extra effort...so don't bother as you will only put yourself through stress.

As the kids get older that feeling of isolation disappears, when you take child to activities and they can ask people back to yours etc, your social circle will automatically get wider.

Just remember if it seems hard work, don't bother, it should be nice and natural!

Since moving i have made a fair few aquaintances, we shall see if they become friends...

But generally i do feel lonely most days. I go to M&T groups, yes you do have to make small talk - how old is LO etc etc but i think it gets easier. Also just because you don't like one group don't give up on trying another, different people go to different groups. I also found it very hard at first but i had to get out for my own sanity, crawling the walls at home is no fun. I also think that i should go for my LO, i think she benefits from the different enviroments. I don't have all the soft play equipment at home and she seems to like this.

I think - from what i have gleaned since having LO - is that most mums feel lonely. If you have a group of friends who are all having children or if you can hang on to your frinds you are very lucky.

Can I add something at this late stage? I've just got back from holiday and found this sad/ touching thread. I was bullied at school also, and never quite believed anyone would really want to be friends with me. I always had a group of friends at school and college, but have lost touch with them all (I know they have had reunions through Friends Reunited etc.). Found it very difficult in adulthood to make friends, social life revolved around DP's friends. After various moves and 3 kids I now have one good friend in a different location who I phone now and then, and a few people I'm connected with through kids, who I'm friendly with, but who don't seem keen to become what I would consider 'close'. Either everyone around here is totally self-reliant, or they just don't see me as a potential friend. We moved schools three years ago, and I stand isolated in the playground - people will chat if their mates aren't there, but will blatantly move away when they turn up. Think I'm probably too proud to show that I need company, so they think I'm not bothered. I have been continually amazed at how mean women can be to each other. I have also made the effort to chat to new mums, but now am ignored as they join the cliques. Have to stop now as I don't want DS to read this self-pitying whine - good to get off chest, though.

I have a few close friends but I dont see them that much now that I am at home with the kids and they are working. I am on mat leave with DC2 and feel really lonely. It's not helped by the fact that DH has loads of friends and goes out 2 nights a week (including now which is why I am on here ). I have to admit there is a little resentment seeping in on my part. The door slammed behind him at 8 this morning and I feel my heart sinking at the thought of 12 hours of childcare followed by an evening of TV and not much else (apart from the scinitillating company of MN). I have made a real effort to arrange get togethers with other mums from DDs nursery etc but have yet to have the invitation returned. I am a confident person and I find it an uphill struggle so heaven knows how someone who is not so confident must feel. I am yet to find a M&T group that is friendly and non cliquey. The park is normally a better bet for me but even then its just small talk.I hold on to the fact that people say you make more friends when the DCs start school.

Same here. I think I must be a bit older with older kid's than most of you guys. We've always moved about quite a bit with work before kids and had good friends from Uni and work, but not near us (not for long anyway - we've never stayed more than a couple of years in the same place!). Consequently we hardly ever see old friends. After our first baby we moved with DP's new job. It took me about 6 months to get a new group of friends. I was and still am a SAHM, so I made friends through different playgroups. I also took over running the NCT post natal group (organising coffee mornings) for my area which kept me busy and I got to meet a lot of new people. From those I made a couple of closer real friends (rather than baby acquaintances). Unfortunately all my baby friends have gone back to work now so once again I'm Johnny no mates!

Find out where the local playgoups are and if there's an NCT coffee group near you. My best friend from Uni just had her first and she's made friends through baby massage classes. At the end of the course someone suggested they all meet up for coffee. She wasn't going to go but did and is really glad she did.

It's really quite hard having to make new social circles and then maintain them. But it is worth it.