Am totally f*cking hacked off and need to rant

[youcannotbeserious]

my Dh is not here from Monday to Friday, I live alone.

A few weeks ago - strangely coinciding with me having a baby - I started to get silent phone calls from witheld numbers.

So, I called BT and got the service to bar numbers. I only barred two numbers who called here anonmously and put the phone down when I answered. DH was with me for one of the calls.

Well, it turns out that his ex and one of his DDs are now banned from calling our house.

And, guess f*cking what??????????????

This is MY problem for getting the barring service and I have to sort it out Now because I am being unreasonable

So, what???? I'm supposed to just take funny phone calls with a new baby for the fun of it?

F8ck it, I am so mad right now!

no no no, i know you're not. but if dh is choosing to see it that way (because he's not being fair etc) then he is choosing to see it that way... you're the one interfering with their liberty to phone him, iykwim?

and just to be clear, my opinion is that he should be absolutely LIVID at dd and the ex. if he's not, that's very weird and worrying.

thanks.... that is what i'm so mad at....

not the calls etc., but the fact he sees that as ok and it's my problem for reacting

there is no question that he is bang out of order on this one, especially if you didn't even know the number at the time. how can you possibly be responsible?

what if it had been some pervo stalker, btw, would that have been okay to ban his calls? or are you just at home to everyone?

I'm afraid I would be saying: they can call dh's mobile if they need to contact him.

If they need to be able to call you, on the landline, then they owe you an apology & an undertaking to stop playing silly buggers before you even consider unblocking them.

It's irrelevant whose account it is - you are the one answering that phone when he's working away all week, & you don't need to be bothered by malicious calls.

Your h sounds like a twat. Until you get an explanation (however stupid)for the calls, I would refuse to reinstate the numbers. At least of the exW. She probably used dd's phone.

Can't see the problem with their numbers being barred tbh - if they want to contact your DH, surely they can phone his mobile? and since he isn't there when the nuisance calls are being made, they don't want to contact him and therefore you are totally entitled to bar them. Your DH is being a tosser.

Second thumbwitch you are his wife now and he should be supporting you. I would go Ex-Directory and don't let him have the number to give to them. It is totally unacceptable.

YCBS, am somewhat confused. I read a thread very, very similar to this a while ago. Was that you, too?

Your DH and the ex and DD are totally out of order and now bleating about how 'poor' DD can't call 'Daddy' is laughable really. Should have thought about that earlier...

IMO, you are being far too nice. I'd slap the ex and DD with a harassment case and take legal action. I'd definitely record this with the police or your lawyer. God knows what's in store for you next. Sorry you're in this situation. Tell your DH to grow a backbone and take the rose-tinted glasses off.

No, wasn't me...

I'm not about to report her. I've been with DH for nearly 10 years, and I don't have any reason to believe she has anything else planned!!!

To be fair, very little has been said about DD's phone being blocked - I'd say his Ex is feeling a bit at being caught, IYSWIM.

What really got me is that DH acts like it's my problem that this has happened. He doesn't see why a few silent phone calls would have me so upset (though, as others have mentioned, he WAS happy for me to block the calls when they disturbed HIM) He wouldn't even DREAM of mentioning this to his ex. Not for a second... So it's my problem....

I'm going to talk to BT and see if there is a way to simply not allow any withheld calls...

thanks, just needed a bit of a rant last night!

several years ago they had a service to ban withheld numbers but we were all told to discourage people from using it as switchboards sometimes with hold their number and if the hospital/school/police are calling you want them to get through. this is a few years ago and things might be different now i guess.

i would not unbar their number for a good long time. i dont understand why they need to call your house, they can call his mobile and he can ring them back. inconvenient but who fault is it. maybe if you get an apology then do it. i think i am missing something here tho, i dont understand why you are with a bloke who you dont live with full time and who puts his ex above you and your/his(?) baby. i would call the police just to log it tho, if they continue harassing you its good to have a record

OMG if I were you I'd be livid!

Why can't he support you in this? It's ok to block the numbers when it's disturbed him. But it's now your problem because his dd can't call the house?!

I would be expecting him to say to his dd that the reason she cannot call is because she made anonymous phonecalls and hung up and this is the result of that sort of pathetic, unacceptable behaviour.

Presuming the dd did call and it wasn't the ex using her mobile??
In which case the dd should take that up with her MOTHER and leave you and your new baby in peace.

I think the most worrying thing is your dh's loyalty to his ex - like you said "he WAS happy for me to block the calls when they disturbed HIM) He wouldn't even DREAM of mentioning this to his ex. Not for a second... So it's my problem...."

where exactly is his loyalty?? and why on earth hasn't he had a stern word with his ex to tell her how unacceptable that sort of childish crap is!

Sorry for ranting. Just angry for you!

Well, I've unblocked the numbers and told him that - but I've also made it clear that I still have the service (choose to refuse) and will do it again if it happens again.

If he talks to his ex, she will just deny it.......... ANd he won't talk to her anyway.

Hiya Choice to Refuse is a brilliant service for idiots who think its funny to try and rile you. The simple fact your not taking their call sems to take to wind out of their sails

Maybe it should be pointed out to your DH and he should point out to his ex, that they are very lucky this wasnt handed over to the police as a nuisance call.

Maybe it's just me, but haven't the police got better things to do that sort out these sorts of calls?

I mean, I don;t think it's any thing more sinister than her trying to wind me up...

I would feel wrong to involve the police in that.

they might have other things to do but it is still a valid complaint as a nuisance call and if it disturbs your peace then they will try and help you with it.

I see, so you can definitely assess the situation and the ex is not difficult to read. I would record the incident with the police nevertheless, nowadays you can complete the form online. They do not have to inform her that you filed a complaint, you've just logged it. You could also use a lawyer but that'll cost you. thumbwith is right, they may well have other things to do, but these calls are upsetting you and baby, they are made out of malice and purposely placed at a time when you are alone and vulnerable.

The more I think about it, the more I get the urge to whack your DH with the morning paper. I mean, how can he offload the blame on you??? I mean, who called whom?
I'd really seat him down and give him the Jesus talk. He should be backing you and not stick his head into the sand.

thumbwitch, sry.