What would you think if a man said this sort of thing?

[Flllight]

Ok, probably things I don't want to hear...

But...I've known this chap about 5 or 6 years, since I was pregnant with first child. He was apparently very, very keen on me and I liked hanging out with him but was quite clear I was with Ds's father (who was not committed to me but I was blindly in love, ahem)

So...I had the baby, I dated another couple of blokes, this guy also got himself a girlfriend. She lives a long way away but they've been together about 3 years now.

I started to fall in love with him - sounds daft but I used to see him about and we'd chat, and it clicked that I really wanted to be with him now I was free. But he wasn't.

So we still talk now and again. Today I saw him, and he came over to speak to me. He said he hadn't been round because he would be in a 'dangerous' position if he did, and that I was his 'ideal' and how well we get on etc etc. (He knows I like him a lot but nothing happens, I don't try to initiate anything, I just like being friends so we speak maybe every 6 weeks or so).

We spoke about our lives for about 15 minutes, while my children were sleeping in the car, and then he had to go back to work. He said he would be round in an instant if he were no longer with anyone, and we kissed on the cheek as we usually do and he then asked me for a kiss on the lips. I am not sure why as he is still with this woman, and I made it clear while we were talking that I don't go for people who are already involved, so he knows nothing will happen.

I just don't really understand. We seem to have all this history but never actually got it together though we both think about each other a lot (or so he said - I know I do, which is pretty foolish to think about a bloke who is attached but it is purely fantasy).

When he wanted me I was attached and now it is the other way round.
Yes I would love to be with him and these little snatches of 'what if' always lift my morale slightly but in the cold light of evening I can see it makes no sense. If he wanted me he could have me and I think he knows this and is maybe just enjoying the adulation or something.

Silly post really...I think I know the answer.

Thanks, that's a really good post and well thought out...kind of what I was hoping for initially, I suppose. To clarify the circles my brain is running round in

Yes, I think I've probably made it very clear that I would want to be with him if he were available and so on. So he knows the score there. I am worried about the children thing as well but I think he is such a laid back type that they wouldn't bother him too much...I might be wrong, been stung there before.
Either way it would probably be a question of a not-living-together relationship initially, as I wouldn't want to burden him with all my financial demands (I receive benefits atm, we'd cost a bit to support I think!) and also it is very much full time being a single mum so I don't know how I would find time for him
He seems loving and gentle with my children so far, he even said that his mother was in my position years ago, having himself and his brother by two different men. I think he said that fondly. He reminds me of my own Dad.

I'll just wait and see what transpires. I'll let you know when we're getting married

playing with fire, it seems as though he would cheat on his girlfriend with you. if you were his ideal he would be with you now. but if he can consider kissing you when he has a partner he could do the same to you. be careful
but then he may genuinly like you but should go about it the right way so no-one gets hurt.

You may be right Fio. Last time he asked me for a kiss was 5 years ago when I was pregnant, we did kiss, briefly, but it gave him the wrong idea and I wrote him this long letter telling him why I could not love him. Unfortunately I left it on the floor when he called round and he read it all. I think he was really upset.
I was still with nutcase ds1's father in those days.
I don't know. I think he might just not believe or trust me that I actually mean it and have changed my mind since then. He is prob scared of being used and ditched. But I want him to trust me and am pretty amazed myself that I've been feeling this way about him for 2 years without any real hope. I keep thinking it'll fade away but so far I still get that shiver when I see him. I've briefly fancied other blokes but never really got far with them, it's always a question of having to be someone I'm not, never very easy to talk to them like it is with this one. We discussed the memorable day he invited me over to help put up his guttering. It was an ideal date for me but he said all his friends laughed at him for that
Perhaps I am a bit odd tho.