Your opinions please.....

[StarSparkle]

Hi to all.

I'm in a bit of a tiz over this. I am one of a non-idential twins, despite having issues when we were younger me and sis get on brill now. My sis is a free lancer, which means she doesn't get sick/day off/holiday pay. Her DP is due to have a (for want of a better pharse) a camera up his bum to determine the cause of bleeding, chronic stomach pain, sickness and weight loss. He is being tested for chrones deseaise (please forgive me for bad spelling). He really dosen't want to go on his own.... and i said to sis that i would go with him if she couldn't afford time off. I told my DP about it today and he has said i am not allowed to go with him, saying would i be pissed off he went with a another woman. I prob wouldn't in this sort of case. Me and my sis DP get on well (as friends) and i would never do anything to hurt either my twin sis or my DP. Why are men so controlling?

I agree Tough. The first thing I need to do is to get the drinking problem sorted (for my own peice of mind)

You see, eventhough I don't drink during the day or anything I know that I am abusing drink in respects to using it as an escape. I have talked to my GP about it but he didn't seem to bothered.

It is a change that has to come from within so I really need to be strong.

The truth is If i do i feel like my life with DP will be so lonely for me.

On your other suggestions, there is no way I can talk to DP on any subjects where we disagree - he just won't listen and he is always right. I have brought up the subject before and he just gets moody - saying that if we spilt no one will want me (which wouldn't bother me at all) .

As for finding another family member to go with sis's DP, my sis DP has no family in the area and has only just mended broken bridges. His family live 200 miles away, so that would,nt work. All my and sis's family are unable to go.

Thanks for your input, but feel like i'm an a catch 22 !

i think most people would turn to drink with a dp like that

you need to start taking control of your own life.

deal with the drinking, see whatever friends you like, support your sister and her dp and if he doesn't like it let him walk out.

he can't simply 'take' your child without going through the courts and i doubt very much he'd gain custody if you were seen to be working on your drink problem. (and tbf if your only drinking in the evenings you clearly have some sort of control over the drinking and it should therfore be realatively simple to curb it completely once you gain some self respect and self confidance)

I'm not surprised you drink. You have an abusive arsehole for a partner, that's your problem, not the alcohol. Please get in touch with Women;s Aid/CAB and find out what your legal rights are, because he cannot get custody of your child without court action, as has been said. Tell him once and for all that you are not his property and do not need his permission to do anything you want to do.
Be aware, though, that tossers like him sometimes escalate to physical violence if the verbal and psychological bullying stops working: if he does get physical you can call the police and get him removed from the house.

I actually feel like i am betraying him by talking about this on MN !

I know that I am a nightmare to live with sometimes and feel guilty about the drinking.

He has never hit me. But i suppose I am weak and I don't stand up to him in regards of ewhat I want to do. We have a family (on my side) coming up and as I don't drive , would have to go on the train. He said he's not allowing me to take DD with me as I will only show myself up by drinking at the party and he can't trust me on the train with DD.

It's just a family birthday at the persons house - their 60 - so not a all nighter or anything.

Well I'll stop ranting on ! Could get boring !

I ment family party

You're not weak, you are being abused by a controlling bully who is systematically destroying your self-esteem.
Have a look at this then read the rest of the site.

listen to madamez.i used to drink at least a bottle of wine every night when i was with xp and xh,who were both abusive.it gave me the guts to actually say things i wanted to but was too scared when sober!

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT

i have been a nightmare to live with in the past for dh,with ante-natal and post natal depression,and at times he has got fed up with it,but he has never put me down or tried to control me.he encouraged me to see the doctor,reassured me that nobody was going to take the dc away,and generally supported me.

you dont need to sort the drinking out first,star.you are drinking to escape,and i doubt your dp would be supportive of any efforts to stop drinking,in fact he would probably go out and buy drink for you as he sounds like that type of person.

are you having any therapy or councelling?you really need help to see you are worth more than this,and that your dp is the one with the problem,not you.

FGS - you can see what he is like - and i KNOW it is hard to leave, but bl00dy hell.

please get some help, some posters on here have given you fab advice.

Thanks for your posts.

I have a history of depression, and am currently on AD (for past year). Because of my depression, i understand that i must be a nightmare to live with, and often think I am over reacting because of this.

Hi divastrop, i can understand the drinking to get the guts to say what you feel...i do that too.

I have been to a mental heath professional to see if i need councelling - but i didn't open up about how I feel... I told her about my drinking but nothing else. Silly of me I know, so she told GP I did'nt need councelling.

I do need to pull myself out of this and be postive !

it sounds like you are caught up in a vicious circle.you have to remember that even if you have been the bitch from hell for the past year that does not give your dp the right to emotionally abuse you.if he doesnt want to support you through your depression then he has the choice to leave you.

i didnt know what was happening when i was actually in an abusive relationship,it is only with hindsight that i can see men like that all say the same thing(my xp used to tell me nobody else would want me as i was a mad cow,and that i was lucky he was reasonably laid back as a 'normal' man wouldnt put up with my moods ).they tell you the dc will be taken away if you get help for your depression because they are worried you are going to tell somebody the truth and that person(eg a councellor)will tell you to leave him.

you are not overreacting.as a friend used to say to me 'just because you're paranoid,doesn't mean they're not out to get you'

Thanks Diva... my DP has just had a go at me in his words not mine 'you have been on crazy mums.com all day' - don't you think why these other mums are on here' Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr !

I don't agree with him at all. I have no friends with DC's and have only started going on here since my mum suggested it to me and she heard it was a good website from her mates

Feeling like a doormat !

my dh calls it snobsnet which is probably more accurate

seriously,though,he is belittling it because he knows you could get support from here...and that could mean you will realise what he's really like and leave him.

one thing that has kept me coming back to this place is the way everyone tells it like it is.back when i was pregnant and really bad with depression i would post about all the attractive women i imagined dh was chatting to online-i was totally convinced he was upto no good at the time-and got met with many 'get a grip woman,you have self-esteem issues,your dh is doing nothing wrong' type replies.

and again,madamez is a very wise woman,do re-read her posts

I wouldn't let him be so controlling-just tell him what you are going to do.