should i try-Long sorry

[ugglyduckling]

ive posted in the 'how do you know you love some one thread' so if you've read this already im sorry if its a bit of a repeat but i need help.

Myself and DH have been having problems for a few years now. He his a heavy drinker and smoker and very black and white in his opinions. I care alot for him we have been together 11 years we have an 8 month old daughter who is fantastic... but we just dont spend anytime together he would rather go to bed than come to the park or play with our DD. he amits he cant handle her very well. I have explained many times abiut the drinking and lack of respect he seems to have for me i feel i have tried for years to make him see how unhappy i was feeling in our marrige.

recently i have met someone who likes to talk to me over coffee likes to come with us to the park gives me butterflies when i see him and makes me smile without doing anything in particular. I dont know how he feels about me but i cant get him out of my head i make excuses to see him just so i can be close to him but i have no Idea how he feels for me but if he asked i would JUMP him anywhere any time .... he has never made a move on me though.

So i plucked up all my courage and i left DH, im staying with my parents which is difficult... i have never mentioned to my family any of the problems within our marrige so its come as a bit of a shock... everyone is ignoring me and explaining that i will calm down and come back, not to do anything rash...

one moment i feel so free and the next so lonely and scared...what will i do where will i go...Dh cant support himself im the main earner...he would end up with nothing if i dont go back. He rings and txts me saying he reolises now and he will change that we should try....he loves and adores me. I had an afair in the past many years ago which he forgave me for and has said i should return the favor...sometimes i think i should try othertimes i think there is no point if i would go with someone elce i cant love him can i? he said if i was a size 16 he wouldnt love me so that cant be love either can it? im so confused should i try again or should i stick to my guns and stay away???

It sounds like you would only going back to him out of a sense of guilt, the affair, the fact that he can't support himself etc. It's also pretty obvious that he realises this and is trying to manipulate you with the things he says about the past, to me that would not be love.

My husband and I split up a few years ago and I felt terribly guilty and tried to convince myself I had to go back for the sake of my DD. BUT I started to think long and hard about how I would feel in 10 years if I was still with him, also imagined myself sleeping with him and it repulsed me. I knew I could never have another child with him and that really sealed my decision to go for a divorce.

I think we are both happier people apart than together and DD is doing fantastically. You need to follow your heart and do what will make you happy, that is really the only decision you can make.

Good luck.

Does he really love you, or just need you? It's different. Also, he talks about 'returning the favour', it's not the same thing at all! We can't tell whether he loves you from a few comments he has made, only you can judge that. you have been unhappy for a while, you need to explain to your family why so they can support you. Only you know whether you love him enough to try again.