DH has just told me that 2 weeks ago 2 youths stopped him and threatened him....

[josben]

He is in a really bad way - not wanting to go out of the house in case he bumps into them...?

I can't believe he has only just told me about this, I knew he was a bit anxious and wasn't sleeping but I thought he was worried about work life...

But now that he's told me that these 2 idiots have made him frightened and feel like sh*t - i feel awful for him. He does lack self esteem and this year, so far, has been pretty rubbish - we've had a close family bereavment, plus his mum is very ill with cancer and so now this has made him feel worse - i think he feels equally bad because he also feels he is less of a man he knows he's blown what has happened out of proprtion.

But I am now going to pick him up from my DS's swimming lesson because he won't walk home incase he sees these 2 youths..?

I am at a loss to know what to do?

how very upsetting for all of you
sorry, I have no advice though

HAs he reported it to the police?

No he won't talk about it - the only reason he told me was because i kept asking why he was being so quiet - he doesn't want me to mention it or tell anyone...

He feels that as a 40 year old man he shouldn't alow something like this to make him feel this way.

we are going away next week on holiday and he said that he will be fine once we get back from there, he said he just wants to forget about it . ?

This sounds like the beginning of a phobia. It might help him to have a session of cbt to deal with it. They would help him rationalise it and work out ways of not feeling so anxious.

Whats cbt?

He needs to report it so that the police have it on record. These youths could be doing it to other people, and they could become physical if they aren't stopped.
He should swallow his pride and report them even though it's hard. he may prevent it happening to anyone else.

cognitive behavioural therapy - its very practical. Helps you to find out ways of dealing with fears etc.

I really do think he should report it to police. I know he wont feel comfortable about it, but, the police do take this sort of thing seriously and it might help your DH to know they will be keeping an eye out might be reassuring for him.

what about some self defense lessons when you come back from holiday? They don't have to be expensive - our local school does them for £5 a week, pay as you come

i agree with lewisfan, my dd1 is a really timid little thing but the diffrence in her confidence levels since starting tae kwon do (sp??) are unreal.

as well as the obvious self defence benefits, she is good at it which builds her self esteem and is making a new circle of friends which also makes her more confident.

we only pay £4 a week or £14 a month.

i think he may have depression and this has become fore front in his mind,he has a lot going on in his life and a lot of worry(as do you) do you think itd be worthwhile seeing the doctor? and report it the police what scares a 40 yr old bloke could petrify an OAP

In my experience the police are not interested unless something has physically happened, so it's possible he would have to go through all of the awfulness of reporting it and then they would just stroll off into the distance. Although I imagine this would vary a lot depending on where you live.

Thanks for your posts...
we live in 'nice' villagey town that is quite a quiet and MC area etc. So in a way its poss worth reporting this incident..

But having spoken to DH about it - he absolutely won't have it mentioned/spoken about again to anyone. So I feel a bit helpless to help him.? I don't think he is in a very positive state of mind and this incident has taken him back 25 years ago when he was maybe bullied a bit at school. Its bought back all those horrible feelings.

I def think that a self defence course would be good for him - if only to build up some confidence... but i don't know that he would be up for it?

I think that, after a few weeks down the line, maybe i should speak to him, if things haven't improved, about seeing the doctor...?

I think you have to report it. We live in a small town, and the only way to get local eeejits sorted out, is to report them. In fact the local coppers have now got various dispersal orders etc in order to stop 'local gangs' and said eejits hanging around on the streets bothering people and its made a real difference.

i agree with fluffy and windygalestoday - it sounds as though (for the reasons you describe) he's suffering a stress-related anxiety disorder - he's viewing this unpleasant incident in an irrational way. It can be difficult to get out of this way of thinking once it 'traps' you. Anything could have been the trigger, this just came along at a vulnerable time for him. It's very common to not want to talk about it, and he probably can't conceive that there's something amiss with him. But it could be helped with CBT (or possibly antidepressants) - i would encourage him to see a GP. you have my sympathy.

Well,I really, really appreciate your views on this - (especially as I am forbidden from discussing it with anyone in RL) and I totally agree with 'Lovely Dear' that Dh is viewing 'this unpleasant incident in an irrational way' and it has trapped him. Thats really sums it up well.

For me, - I can't believe that this has happened as we really have had enough stress to deal with this year so far.

But - we are on hols next week so I hope that that will distance DH from the incident. If not i will have to drag him to our GPs...