Ended it with bf....he's texting like crazy...going round my friends houses....and threatening suicide.

[JumpingDizzy]

I've wanted to end it for a while. We've only been seeing each other 4 months but he moved in with me uninvited. I'm on HB so was forever on tenderhooks. I just wanted to be there with my boys and my dog but whenever I tried to tell him to go he'd change the subject. He just wouldn't listen.
I started noticing he was becoming more obsessive. He went round a friend's house at 10.30 the other night looking for me but I was at another friend's. Luckily he didn't know where they live.
So, I decided enough and told him to go yesterday. He completely crumbled. I had to go outside with the dog (luckily kids with daddy) and ring him to tell him to leave the house. He refused so I threatened him with the police. Whilst he was out I got a friend round and she got her locksmith mate to change the locks so I could have peace of mind. I packed his things and put them on the front, then told him to get them.
He's been costantly texting begging me to have him back. He's been round to 3 friends houses then went to my church healing group last night pouring it all out to them and crying.
He's trying every trick to get me back. Even said he'll take my boys and his (who he hardly bothers with) out on Sunday to give me a break. I get plenty of break as exdh and I share-care. NOt that I'd dream of letting him.
Latest he's going to kill himself. Then he changes tack and says can we go out for the meal he's booked tonight even though I've been the one paying for us to go out as he's been hard up. NOw his dd who's pg wants to meet me on Sunday even though he never sees her Another he'd pay for me and my best mate to go away. It's endless.
I have my phone on silent but keep checking texts as friends are in touch too. I'm out of town with the dog. Somewhere he'll never find me.
I'm dreading going home though as he's not going to give up easily. I just don't know what to do next?

[JumpingDizzy]

he doesn't know my name on here sal and he's not likely to look. I don't give a hoot if he does as I've told him straight.

My mum should support me but she's not that well and 78. She had me late in life. I have a ton of brilliant mates, all would put me up too but I've gone as far away as I can get for now.

I'm going out tonight so that should cheer me up. I feel drained but hopefully can nap this afternoon.

[youknownothingofthecrunch]

You're doing all the right things - protecting your children, getting away, giving him no hope etc.
Could you call your mother again and if he's still there get her to say that she has a doctor's appointment or something, so he has to leave. Her bf is rubbish leaving her to deal with this!

I hope that it all works out well for you and your dcs.

[IHadABetterNameButYouStoleIt]

i do think that you need to call the police and ask about restraining orders! his behavior doesnt sound normal to me!

i had an ex who got a bit obbsessive after i met some one else and was constantly texting and calling me whilst drunk, but he never took it so far as to turn up at my friends/families houses! i think the worst he ever did was to make sure he was in pubs i normally go to in days i normally go out!

he did threaten to stick his head the oven i reminded him that he had an electric oven and sugested the bottle of vodka i left in his freezer with some strong painkillers after that he got the picture and realised that it was over and i had moved on!

i think the sucicide threat are just trying to get you to feel guilty and show you that he needs you! dont fall for them. its just another way of trying to control you

[beanieb]

So is your EX intending to live with your mum?

[overthemill]

call the police. their domestic violence section is excellent. had an ex who did attempt suicide AFTER he'd trashed my house and tried to kill the cats. horrid but the police were fantastic before, during and after. be brave and think only of yourself/kids

[JumpingDizzy]

i texted him and said i'm out of town escaping from him and the police will be in touch.

He texted back saying that's not nice, he only booked meal because he loves me and he's sent whatever it is anyway?

Damn latest texts have no 'xs'

I know that may sound callous but I have to keep my humour going.

[prettyfly1]

oh my god. he moved in without your permission, is at your mums house and what? alright dont get me wrong we have all done crazy stuff when we have broken up with someone = i myself am prone to serious text diorrhea whilst i get it out of my system but this guy sounds seriously deluded, and i thought my ex was a total lunatic. give it till monday then seriously consider calling a solicitor or the police. threatening to kill himself after four months is the sign of serious mental disturbance and you really really need to protect yourself and your kids.

[madamez]

I am quite seriously concerned about this. People who enter a house and refuse to leave are often quite seriously dangerous because they are sociopathic (don't actually percieve other people as 'real', have no empathy, only interested in their own needs.)
If he is still at your mother's house then it might not be a bad idea to ring the local police and tell them the situation, suggest they drop round and invite him to go away, given that your mum is elderly and not assertive. He has, after all, no right to be in your mother's house against her wishes.

[overthemill]

i so completely agree - get the police round and get him out of your life as soon as you can. i got an emergency non molestation order (horrid process but necessary)

[JumpingDizzy]

yes you're right madamez but she let him in and didn't tell him to go. Plus her young bf was upstairs he could've told him to go.

Anyway he's at his own mam's now. I've told him straight and his latest text wasn't quite so bad. I'll just have to wait and see.

There's flowers and something else at my neighbours house I said I'll get them tomorrow but will give them away.

He is totally deluded.....thought he could still pick me up at 7 for this meal he'd booked.

[warthog]

well done.

but i do think if he attempts contact again you have to warn him with police action, and then act on your threat if he ignores you.

[wannaBe]

I would ring the police and say that he's at your mum's house and refusing to leave.

Then I would see a solicitor about getting a restraining order.

Are you and your ex on good terms? If so I would ring him and explain, just in case this nutter goes round there.

[JumpingDizzy]

ex knows and said he'll tell him to bog off. Ex and I get on brill.....he's intelligent!!

[warthog]

glad you can rely on your ex

[prettyfly1]

rely on everyone you can but be prepared to be bombarded. men like this never ever give up easily. justbe really really careful!

[JumpingDizzy]

he's said he wanted to marry me now. Texts are getting less thank goodness.

[warthog]

are you ignoring texts?

[Ate]

JD, be prepared for him to change tact and come at you and your emotions from every angle he can possibly dream up. He's bound to appear to have chilled out at times but will probably be back with another unbelievable offer/threat etc.

When someone is controlling and/ desperate(yet unable to take control of themselves!) there is sometimes no end to the lengths they will go to in an effort to claw back whatever it is they want.

I'm with Madamez. I know involving the police probably sounds and feels extreme to you but to those of us who have experienced similar, really, it could put a halt to potential years of this!

If you really want to end this, don't engage! Whatever you say or text will feed his responses and behaviour.

[overthemill]

can you get your mobile provider to stop his texts?

[prettyfly1]

i managed to persuade mine to put a block on my exes number - it can help.

[prettyfly1]

actually i agree with ate very strongly - it may be the lull before the storm - poss trying to calm you down. I know this because I have been guilty of a million and one texts before today as well - obviously my situation was different and mine occured because ex was a cruel, controlling arse and in the end it was the only way to get through to him and vnt the frustration and anger i had felt for months but i couldnt have stopped at the time for love nor money - that said i have his child so if i wished to control him or make his life hell i would have slated him all over the place and called the csa, so its not the same but i do kind of recognise the behaviour. whats worrying is the threats etc and the apparent inability to recognise that its over - call your provider TODAY

[Janos]

JumpingDizzy

I had a boyfriend like this once. I think the onlything that works if they have an iota of sense is to threaten them with the police.

I had to do this once, as a last resort, he kept calling and texting and ignored repeated requests to please stop contacting me, the realtionship was over. Thankfully the threat was enought to stop him.

It can be unpleasant and frightening so appreciate how you must feel.

Please, do be careful and take care.

Good luck!