Was recently in a 6 month relationship. At first was totally besotted with very gorgeous and three year younger bf, and midst some fooling around announced that I'd like to wait a bit before having sex to make it special, to which I got a bit of a daft look and he said ok. Fair enough, he's a guy I thought.
We had also done a fair bit of random foreplay, including a lot of BJs, now I remember him going soft once or twice and me being very paranoid...
We started one night and half way through he just pulled out. We'd been teasing each other and when I said 'uh what the hell' he said he thought it would be funny. I didn't find it so funny but he did actually look pretty amused at himself. Discussed it with friends and decided to give him another chance as I did really like him but I really hadn't been impressed. About another month later we started again (I think I started it) and it was awkward to say the least. Whenever I started something that felt good or even comfortable he said it wasn't, and moved to something that wasn't for me (so I said nothing). He went soft halfway through and we stopped, then a little bit later started again and he finished. I had found the whole experience really awkward and was really doubting my performance, previous to this hadn't slept with anyone bar ex-h for years, and noone recently (Can you forget?? ) We discussed it and I reassured him how good it was etc etc and he seemed rather pleased with himself.
... And it never happened again. Every time I touched him it never went anywhere he never touched me and that would be it. Once I gave him head and he fell asleep honest to god I'm sure I wasn't that bad...
I tried everything from buying ann summers underwear to asking him which he'd like to suggesting we bought a book from ann summers and worked through it... he said yes to all but nothing. About 6 weeks later I was debating what to do, and was feeling really insecure. He'd told me he'd slept with another three people before (he's early 20s) which is less than I have so I figured maybe it was a tiny bit nerves. But I felt very unattractive and undesirable. And I brought it up and he told me I was being unreasonable and unfair and I felt worse.
That week he broke up with me citing that I was distant and was running cold on him, and he didn't need the stress as he had problems (which to be fair he did in other areas eg work) and pretty much that I wasn't worth it. I was devestated and spent the whole night crying down the phone to him begging ( never done that before ) and crying to my best friend and the next day he said he'd regretted it and took me back. I did wonder if he'd played me to see how I felt but anyways I was happy enough. Except for the last few months all I've done is looked at him and thought of that, it was so out of the blue I've never quite gotten over it.
Anyways, since then still no sex, and even less foreplay, and less dates so it was pretty much TV and sleep. I moved the week before he had dumped me so my days then involved over three hours of walking for work and I was knackered, and emotional as I had finally moved out of the house I was still living in with ex, and felt a bit lost. Brought it up again a few times and was told he was nervous and I was unfair so left it again.
Went on holiday with a friend, assessed the whole thing and decided to end it. Came back and he picked us up from the airport and we got back at 3.30am... he woke me up at 6.30am wanting it. Now I should have jumped at it sure... but I had spent 4 hours on a plane with stroppy children and was exhausted so I said I'd come on. A few days later I split up from him, citing lack of sex as main reason, amongst a few others.
Now since when talking I asked him if I just hadn't done it for him, and after a lot of nagging and things he admitted that he has a problem (he didn't say impotence... he says he gets nervous and goes soft... that's the same thing isn't it) and he had gone to see a counsellor about it (he'd told me he was elsewhere). This finally all made sense I have NEVER known anyone with it before else I should have picked up on it earlier I can't believe I was that naive. Anyways, after much talking, it came out that he didn't trust me to tell me when we first had sex (shouldn't you trust someone you are sleeping with??????) and was never planning on telling me. Now I can see it is embarrassing but he knew it was affecting me and just let it carry on. Telling me I was being unreasonable wanting it.
He lied about the people he had slept with (I was only the second time ) and a number of other related things.
Now I feel totally betrayed. I know it's probably stupid, but he lied to me which I hate, and didn't trust me enough to tell me - but he trusted me to use contraception??? and I trusted him to meet and care for my kids????
Am I thoroughly unreasonable???
There's bits I have missed but I'm so wound up. And what to his actual problem - I know nothing about it.