Had a another row, help please.

[Dontknownow]

I don't really know where to start. Me and H had a row on Saturday night during which he had his hands round my throat, grabbed my arms, pushed me, pulled my headphones off twice and then when I started telling me to leave he refused.

I was on one side of a door with him on the other, I was trying to keep him out. He kept pushing against it and I now have bruised up both my arms from the door hitting me and the door had holes in where he punched it.

One of the children then woke up and he stopped and went up to them. I nearly called the police at the time but I was scared. He kept tellign me to call them as they wouldn't do anything and that he wouldn't leave. I kept telling him to leave.

When he started at first I was trying to stop him so was trying to push him away and he says I was flailing at him.

During this he told me I was lazy, noone else would want me, I'm nothing without him and that I'd have nothing without him. The next day he says he didn't mean it but he said it was as much my fault as his.

I really don't feel I like him much anymore but what can I do? How can I make him leave if he won't? I don't even know if I should, maybe it was my fault too.

He also doesn't think pulling my headphones off is wrong at all and isn't violent apparently.

I understand what you mean. I find this hard though, I've struggled with self harm and more and my situation triggers that too. My children mean more to me of course though, I just find things difficult.

of course you find it hard- who would find it easy? it's NOT YOUR FAULT.

there is a way out of this but you have to initiate that and take responsibility for the safety of your children...you need to utilise all the support you have available to you- police, friends, family, GP, women's aid, mumsnet.

you might find it easier to take baby steps rather than focusing on leaving/kicking him out if you don't feel strong enough...start by making a call to women's aid and don't think beyond that.

you have nothing to be ashamed of- just remember every day you have another chance to make this situation different.

So, tomorrow, you are going to ring women's aid, and you are going to follow their advice. In the meantime, find the children's birth certificates, passports, and all your own documentation, plus as much cash as you can secretly scrape together. If you can do this discreetly, pack a bag of clothes and toiletries for you and the children.

this is your bolt kit. If he kicks off between now and the time you manage to put a plan into action, you can bolt. Pick up the bags, the children, and leave. Go to the police station, say you are a battered woman, you cannot go home, you need help.

How are things today? I really hope you find the courage to do what you need to do for yourself and the children.

Help is there waiting for you, but you have to take the first step.

you have to get help. Urgently. He will do this again.

Dontknownow

just reading and realised its now Thursday. Thinking of you and praying everything is ok.

Take care x