flirting, how bad is it and what constitutes it ?

[curlycathy]

on behalf of a friend, i want to ask you all your opinions on this.

by flirting i am talking about nice compliments, playfullness (like ruffling hair, play fighting , practical joking , that kind of thing) and being quite tactile in conversation (like touching arm or back or whatever ). chatting on msn and using huggy or kissy emoticons and signing off with xxxx

if it's two people who both have partners? whose partners are ususally there??

talk to me !!

oh god no, i would NEVER EVER EVER do anything with him.

it's hard to stop liking someone though

and i am confused as to whether he would like to be with me or is just doing it for fun because thats his nature.

if he really does like me in that way then i feel like i should warn my friend off him as it won't work between them then will it.

but, maybe i am just reading too much into it.

i suppose at frist i kind of looked upon him like i do my brother as they are similar, all the gooning around and that but then he went and said that he thought i was really cute and pretty and it's all just gone pete tong.

micci, you see, thats the thing isn't it some people operate as u do and some people would be horrified at that

i am a flirt myself, it's never been a problem though because it's only ever been mild and not with a friends boyfriend! sometimes i think friendliness and flirting can get a bit blurred

this is all a weird situation

should i tell my friend the things he has said and let her decide if it's a problem maybe ?

i dont know about telling your friend! my friend tells me but not in a "oh i have been convos about x,y and z with your dp on msn while you were in bed you know" but in a "i right laugh with your dp on msn last night" maybe try dropping that into a conversation.

if he is naturally flirty then its probably just the way that he is. i have a male friend, my bf, actually who flirts no end with me, but its not a problem for me or dp becuase thats just the way he is, its meaningless fun.

although if you think you may want to take it it further then i do think you should take a step back and let things cool off a little.

I think it is a question of good manners and behaving like that with someone else's partner basically isn't good manners.

Who knows what is going on in guy's head or how it will affect the dynamic of his relationship?
What would she say if he tried it on with her? Oh, you misunderstood? Or ok, obviously your relationship was in trouble anyway, or my flirting would not have been effective?

i think he's probably just using me for a bit of fun really as we are both so similar, as in flirts, joke around, silly kinda people. trouble is my friend is nothing like that she's quite serious and bossyish (she'd say that herself)
so, he maybe just likes having a laugh with me.

it probably isn't right though is it as uv all said

it it makes one of you uncomfortable then it isn't right

You can't make someone alter his or her behavioru if he or she doesn't want to, but you can alter the way you react to it. Either this man is a fannytease who likes playing women off against one another (he's already got you agreeing that you are 'nicer' ie more like him than your friend, which doesn't sound too good to me: there are some men who actually get a kick out of flirting with a partner's friends or sisters and do it deliberately.) or he is one of those big bundles of flirty friendliness who means no harm and you are a bit desperate/bored with your own partner and are reading too much into it.
Don't make a big melodrama out of this but reduce your contact with him (only see him in a crowd, be too busy to chat on MNS or whatever if he messages you) and find yourself something else to think about.

It sounds as if you are all really quite young?

When you are a bit longer in the tooth you will realize that flirting and feeling attracted to that person is what happens all the time- but you just either stop it, or you realize that another man has made you doubt your feelings for your DH. The you deal with that problem first.

There are some people who only go for people in relationships. It can be quite convenient - for some anyway