omg, I cant be bothered with going over it all again - I am so tired of it tbh. But I need your wonderful advice mnetters, so I will have to recap.
In short, xh didnt cope with the transition to fatherhood and became very selfish and unsupportive. Our relationship deteriorated, but it was nothing that couldnt be saved, had he been willing to sort it out (believe me when I say I tried). Anyway, what started off as an emotional affair led to him leaving and having a full on relationship with a 23 yr old.
I was gutted, begged him to come back, went through a LOT of heartache. Its now 2 months on, and with a LOT of counselling, I have more or less accepted it, but realise I cannot see him physically AND heal, and so any access to ds is done through my dad. I really wanted him to finish it with her so we can be friends, and still be a family iyswim, albeit one that isnt actually together. With her on the scene I couldnt be his friend.
I have said over and over to myself and to anyone who will listen, that I no longer want him back. I still love him, yes, but I certainly dont trust him, look back on our relationship and see that it wasnt happy, and can not ever imagine sleeping with him again. Sex was alwyas an issue with us, and if we ever got back together it would be MUCH more of one now.
I talked to him last ight and asked him to commit to either her or his family - not to say to her he is moving to London with her and to me that he is leaving her by not going to london with her. Him doing that openend my wound and every time I saw him I got really angry about the betrayal, abandoning ds etc etc. He says he isnt happy with her, the grass wasnt greener, he misses me.
But I dont know if I believe him. Last time I rejected him (relaionship wise, not rejecting friendship) he ran back to her.
My opinion is lets be friends and go from there, not promising anything. But I AM open to us 'finding' each other again, iyswim.
He now says that he wants me back (but I still dont fully trust him on this anyway.) If he decides this and does leave her, I would be happy to increase access etc, to work on a frienship for the sake of ds. And to see if anything DOES happen in the future.
But, I also have a date lined up. I dont want to miss this - I doubt he is 'the one', but I think it'll be fun anyway. Havent done this sort of thing for ages, and this is what some of my recovery was ultimately leading to (as well as the 'me; thing). Obviously it is too soon, but i see it as a bit of fun. I also think I need to do this for myself.
xh would not handle this well. It would be likely to drive him back to ow. But like I said, I just want friendship at the mo, and lets see if anything comes from that in the future. I am not promising ANYTHING - I may well never get over him sleeping with someone else.
So am I being reasonable or unreasonable?
has anyone any advice?