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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

ok lets go for it - worst relationship stories ever..but best bounce backs to so its not too miserable!!!

55 replies

prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 18:28

it appears either my ex has reproduced himself all over the country and is sleeping with more women then even i gave him credit for or we have all experienced some really bad moments at the hands of someone pretty rotten so.. what was your worst experience BUT rather then jsut bitch tell us all how you came back from it and share some positive stories about how you learned and move on so we can all pick up some tips and know there is hope for us yet!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 18:40

and funny stories too.

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Flibbertyjibbet · 09/07/2008 18:51

I've just tried to prioritise some of my previous relationships in order to find the worst one to tell you about.
It just depressed me.

I learned and moved on by not dwelling on them or talking about them anymore.

Sorry!

Original poster
prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 19:03

flibberty actually thats wicked advise.

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Original poster
prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 19:05

perhaps it would be a better idea to remove the wrost bit and just focus on the when your feeling crap and your relationship has let you down how did you bounce back. much more productive!!

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MmeBovary · 09/07/2008 19:34

I read an article today on the DM website about a women who's husband suffered from depression but loved him and battled on. Came home one day to find him hanging dead in the garage. Then turned out he'd been having an affair with a work colleague for 2 years, had a load of other women on the go and had run up huge debts. There was home made porn on their computer - him in their bed with other women etc etc. She apparently had absolutely no idea ! I think my DH is an arse sometimes but in my opinion this takes some beating!

Original poster
prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 19:38

oh my god. really? not quite the positive story i was hoping for but suddenly i feel much better!!!!

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MmeBovary · 09/07/2008 19:50

She was pregnant when he died and the little girl is now 10 months old. She appears to be getting over things, but I can't imagine how difficult that must be for her! Sorry - not very cheery I know. It does kind of put things in perspective for me though....

Original poster
prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 19:59

jesus - i cant imagine how you would deal with that. she got the good bit of him tho in a beautiful daughter so there is positive even in something that awful.

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sandy4 · 09/07/2008 20:07

I married very young, he turned out to be an abusive liar, alienated me from my family & friends & upped the mind games when someone very close to me died.

That was the turning point, I divorced him & completed a degree. I try to find something good out of the bad. My children being my main inspiration, especially when the oldest was 10 & told his teacher what he wanted for christmas - for his mum to pass all her exams

I'm still not brilliant in my choice of men though.

Original poster
prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 20:26

are any of us? sometimes i think its pot luck, your son sounds like an angel tho - what a great job you have done - you should be really proud!

OP posts:
sandy4 · 09/07/2008 20:28

DS1 is lovely, I'm very biased obviously.

How did you bounce back from your ex ??

BalloonSlayer · 09/07/2008 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

girlnextdoor · 09/07/2008 20:37

I found the only way was to focus on their bad points and convince yourself it wouldn't have worked, anyway!

Original poster
prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 20:49

I am still in the process of bouncing back at the moment. So far I have gone back to the gym every day gotten a massive makeover and i dont even recognise myself (i look not to bad if i do say so myself). I go to therapy every week so i dont end up in another relationship where i am so eager to please i change everything i am, lose myself completely and forget to ask myself if i am happy with the person i am with. I actually made myself try and remember some of the nice times at the weekend. He is my sons father, i dont want to be bitter about him and i would like to be able to say nice things to the beautiful miracle we made one day. I am doing race for life, have tidied up the debts, redecorated, been out with the girls, am going on my first holiday in years have almost finished the owrk on my degree that i fell behind on while i was with him and am starting two new courses in art and jewellry design in september and i am looking at setting up my own catering company to indulge my passion in food. I take my boy out every weekend, read him stories every day and make myself laugh even when i feel like crying. Its still not easy and i really need to curb mentionitis but it was always his loss and i refuse to look back with anything other then peace. phew!!!!! I do miss him even tho he is a real git but i am so much more without him and one day i want to be grateful for this because its going to make me who i will be!!!!

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ElfOnTheTopShelf · 09/07/2008 20:50

I was with somebody for a year, tender age of 18, all my friends were dating his friends, he told me he needed a "break" so for a week we had space, he decided he wanted me back, but then changed his mind, and instead of being man enough to tell me face to face, he avoided my calls & eventually his friend said over the phone he didn't want to see me anymore.
Somehow it ended up being my fault, my friends took his side, even when he started seeing somebody else. My friends refused to talk to me.
Not very nice experience.
Anyway, I rallied myself. Wondered why I wanted to be with somebody who would treat me that way, and why would I want to be with such fickle friends. I went out with other friends, danced on table tops, watched a football matches in a sports bar, jumping up and down with strange blokes when our team scored, cheering and getting showered with larger (great hair afterwards!). I had the best time of my life.
I met somebody else, we were friends for a while and it gradually grew. Ex b/friend used to turn up at the pub to have a nosey at what was going on, by that point, I was soooo over it.
I married the new b/friend, we have been together for 8 years, married since 04, got a nearly three year old.
If first b/friend hadn't been a wanker and stayed with me, I would not have such a wonderful daughter right now, I wouldn't be the same person as I am right now. I would not know what it is like to have great sex given the improvment from ex to dh (sorry, cheap shot).
First b/friend wrote to me when I was about a year in with relationship with now husband. Saying he drove down my parents road on the off chance he'd see me, missed me, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

Original poster
prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 20:52

lol - well done elf - loving that story! what a fool he was!!

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ElfOnTheTopShelf · 09/07/2008 20:55

my sister in law had been with her boyfriend since she was 15 (she's 22 now). They had a house, they were planning on getting married, talking about having a baby, and he just ditched her.
She was homeless, and heart broken. She sat crying at my house and I told her it would be okay, that she would cry for a while, and then she would go out and start to live her life again. I insisted that she would one day look back and wonder whatever she saw in the guy, just as I had done.
She insisted she wouldn't.
They split up at Xmas.
She now says I'm right, and wonders what she saw in that wanker guy.

sandy4 · 09/07/2008 20:58

Blimey prettyfly!! Sounds like you are getting your life back in style

Original poster
prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 21:01

lol. thanks sandy. when he isnt around this is who i am. i just want to make sure i never loose sight of that again. no more clingy, crying snivelling pathetic neediness for a bloke whose only interest in our family is what time of night is too late to turn up and how early can i drop him at his mothers the next morning - thanks very much!!!

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wannaBe · 09/07/2008 21:02

I think there are some things that must be impossible to get over and then i think that there are some things that you look back and and think wtf was I doing?

I have a friend who had been married to her dh for 8 years. they were a considerable way down the route of adopting a child. She went away for a couple of weeks and when she came back he dropped the bombshell that...
...
...
... he wanted to be a woman! .

That was 4 years ago and she has never got over it.

She had no idea. They had a happy marriage as far as she was concerned.

He is now living as a woman and their marriage had to be annulled as legally a woman cannot be married to another woman. So she didn't even have the closure of a divorce - it's essentially as if the marriage never was.

I wonder how you could trust someone again after that.

Original poster
prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 21:05

holy god - really? that must have been there all the time tho? i cant even begin to imagine how i would respond to that. i almost laughed but if you were on the receiving end you would not be amused at all. she must have been devastated.

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mistressmiggins · 09/07/2008 21:05

my exH had an affair while I was at home looking after DS(3) and fairly new born DD.
When I found out about the affair, he said I'd ruined everything by finding out because he had decided to end it
I "forgave" him & we I tried for 8 weeks....there is a thread...I found out he was still dining with his OW/collegue while I was at home & I was unreasonable for not finding this acceptable.
I kicked him out.

3 yrs on I have a fab DP who is everything as a husband/father my exH was not.

We are extremely happy (not yet living together) and I truely feel my exH did me a favour.

Is he happy?
I suspect not...shame

PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife · 09/07/2008 21:07

on the phone -

him: me and my (gorgeous, ten-years-younger, blonde) housemate are going to waterpark, you can come if you want.

me: is there something going on between you and housemate?

him: No! Definitely not! No way! She's just a nice, fun, kid! Nothing more!

her, shouting out in background: Hey, Phd's dp, this is my song for you, my love! (Turns up radio playing "Take My Breath Away")

not so serious as any of the above, just... classic.

Original poster
prettyfly1 · 09/07/2008 21:10

well done mistress. i remember a lot of your threads on this and its great to hear you are doing well and happy now. its amazing how when they get caught behaving outrageously badly its fine. i wonder how it would have felt had the shoe been on the other foot.

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wannaBe · 09/07/2008 21:10

yes I know what you mean. I hadn't seen this friend for several years, in fact I didn't even know she was married (we were at school together in primary and I left the country aged 9 and we grew apart really - it was only really by coincidence that our paths crossed again). When I called her she told me that her marriage had broken down and I said how sorry I was (as you do) and she then said "yes, it was not a happy break-up. He is now a she." I think it's one of the only times in my life I have ever been totally at a loss for words. Because it's not really something you ever expect to happen to someone you know is it?