My brother hurt me and I don't know what to do

[amygirl]

Sorry this is a bit of a long story but I don't know what to do next and I would appreciate some advice.
My younger brother is single, no girlfriend and he never wants cchildren or marriage. However we were a close family when growing up and he keeps in touch with my sisters and their children, visiting them several times a year and indulging them. I have three children and he is a generous uncle presents-wise to my kids too. The problem is we live far apart and I never see him. He lives abroad and I can't afford to take the family to visit him. We used to keep in regular touch by email and phone but in the last year or so that has dropped off too. Now he never calls, doesn't take my calls and replies to my emails in a sort of curt, formal business tone which most people would use only when they are sending out a strong message that they don't want to know you. He's not the typical unable to express himself type man. He is educated and he was always warm in the past.
I've been slow to contact him too, just because I'm busy with my life as well but I always thought we were there for each other. However last month I heard from my mum and my sisters that he is moving country again and I thought it odd that he hadn't contacted me, so I sent him a friendly email saying I'd heard the news and is it definite etc? He replied with a one line saying it was possible and he'd "inform me when appropriate".
I wrote back asking if there was something wrong or if I'd in some way upset or offended him and he replied in equally dismissive language but effectively the answer was "no". Then I tried to respond with a friendly, newsy email which he ignored.
Last night I got a text message to say the move was going ahead. As he's going to have the summer off first, I sent a reply asking him to come to visit us for a couple of days and saying how much myself and my children would love to see him (they only know him by name and a photo). Four hours later he replied by text message to say "no way" - he doesn't like the village where we live because its boring.
The point was to visit my family not to holiday in the area. He sees everyone else in a similar way and although I am harder to get to, surely its not too much to ask once every few years (money is not a problem for him).

I just don't know what to say to him next. His text message was brutal and you would not write that way to anyone, unless you were either a callous pig who does not know how to behave or you really really wanted to hurt the person you were writing to. My brother does know how to behave but he has become arrogant as his career has gone well. I don't want a fight (oddly I have a feeling that this would play into his hands) and I've really thought back to what might be the root of the problem but i can't work it out.
If he was a friend, I'd give up now but this is my brother and we were always so close....

lizziemum - thank you. Maybe you are right. After all, people who are happy and content don't send text messages like the one he sent yesterday, do they?

perhaps start a "conversation" with him along the lines of you seem very unhappy and angry with me, it's so unlike you, has Mum been up to her tricks again, are you okay?

I think cargirl start the conversation along those lines and if he doesn't want to talk to you at that moment make sure is know that you are available to talk when he is ready.

'My mum tends to go round stirring things a bit and I wondered if she was up to something again that i don't know about. When we were young she was the sort of mother who played one child off against the other and unfortunately she has kept this habit now that we are adults. My dad used to curb the worst of it but now he's not here. '

This is the key here Im afraid. It is very difficult to have close relations with siblings when you have had this kind of parenting. The objective for the parent is usually 'divide and rule'. This stance normally breeds jelousy and paranioa (sp?)
There is usually one person left out.

Your mother probably was left out as a child or had a similar dynamic with her siblings/family.

stop doing all this emailing/texting.

Imo a large part of why relationships break down and misunderstandings occur is because people don't speak about things in person. they rely on emails and text messages and text is just not an effective way of conveying emotion.

So pick up the phone and ring him and speak to him in person and ask what the hell is going on because you used to be close but aren't any more and you can't understand why.

It may just be that you no longer have anything in common. you have a family, he doesn't, etc. But unless you ask him, in person, you can't be sure of what the problem is.