How to end a friendship Part 2.

[girlnextdoor]

Didn't want to hijack the other post but this is mine...

you may remember I posted a while back about friends who don't have kids- are they in a different place, so to speak.

well, my childless friend called today- we talked briefly but it was all about her and some of her friends who I have never met anyway. Hardly one word about my two kids, or me.

I feel really depressed when I think of this- we have been friends for over 25 years- we are very close- she knows me inside out, but I'm afraid that apart from our past, I wonder what I get from her now. She is supportive if I need it, but I tend to make most of the running.

I wonder at times whether to tell her how her behaviour appears?

do you want to save the relationship or let it go?

if you want to save it, you could try not waiting for her to ask you about your life, but just telling her. make absolutely sure that you spend close to half the conversation talking about your stuff, and perhaps after a couple of calls she'll get the drift. it's possible that right now she has no clue of what your life is like, so doesn't know what to ask about. by telling her, you might give her some info she take an interest in.

This is typical. I haven't listened to hours and hours of chit chat about childless friends' mortgage rates, new sofa, planning a trip to Perú, PHOTOS of holiday in Perú, office politics....

BUT if I so much as mentioned the word 'toddler' in any context, even indirectly, I knew I was being boring

That friendship floated off to sea

I won't go in to the circumstances that made me decide not to bother caring any more and not to BOTHER.

I meant I HAVE listened to hours and hours etc....

warthog- she knows precisely what my life is like! For example,my 2 kids are back home staying with me at the moment, but she didn't even think to ask about them. It is as if they didn't exist.

I DO talk about me and my family, but I can tell she is only half-listening and the boredom is palpable!

The thing is, she thinks she is the world's most caring friend and is always saying how much her friends value her for her generosity, and caring, etc etc.

It's one of those friendships where the balance of effort has always been 60/40 to me- and I am just sick of it.

I visit her all the time- she lives and hour away- but she practically NEVER comes to see me, even though I work and have kids- and she doesn't work or have kids- but obviously she fills her days.

Sorry- just ranting now.

sounds like all take to me.

i'd stop phoning. when she calls, talk for a bit and then get off the phone citing various pressing things to do.

if she's as uncommitted as you feel, she'll accept the drift.

Life is too short to fill our time and head space with negative and disruptive relationships/friendships. You owe it to yourself, your family and your good friends to focus on them and not waste time on people who are like that.

life is too short for tedious friendships, you may come together again at some point with more in common. Sometimes there's nothing for it but a social cull.