Advice badly needed - niece neglecting baby - what now?

[linzs]

This is a bit long so please bear with me.

My Niece has been having lots of probs with her boyfriend over the last few weeks - history of violent behaviour has stabbed, hit, strangled her etc. and regularly spits in her face!!

She has had to move back in to the family home - as police are now involved and his family have began threatening her.

She has a baby who will be 1 very soon - problem is she has recently (Last week or so) been neglecting the baby and will no longer look after him, hold him, even look at him.

We are all besides ourselves and dont know what we can do to help her - the doctor thinks she is having a nervous breakdown - and is clearly ill.

We have all rallied around to look after the baby - he is the most gorgeous little thing - and we really do not want to see him taken away from her.

Has anyone ever seen this kind of neglect before? - she has coped so well up until now. She is only 18 and had been the most fab mum - we are so proud of her - We know she loves the baby so much and really need advice on ways to help her bond with him again.

For obvious reasons will also post this under mental Health.

dear linz

firstly good for you for helping your niece out so well being such a good aunt.
sounds (being an ex mental health nurse ) like pnd and anxiety .

suggest the health visitor needs to help her and provide some outside support too.
after all the stuff with ex its must be really traumatic right now and she doesnt feel safe.

the fact she has a great family support network is very important.
what did the gp suggest ,are there any mum and baby groups locally,ie sure start can they arrange a visitor to come to the house.

hope she gets the help she needs , you sound like a treasure

Really really and for your poor niece. Am not an expert on Dmestic violence but it sounds like your niece has depression at the very least and maybe she is suffering from some sort of PTS? To be stabbed, strangled etc etc must be a horrific experience. It sounds like the poor gorl is just unable to care for and nurture her baby the state she must be in, not deliberate neglect but just unable.

She needsall the hlp and support she can get at the moment. Is she is with family can they temporarily 'step in' to help do the basic day to day care of the baby whilst your niece finds the hlp and support she needs- it may take her some time to recover from this. Not to say family should take over but just gently support and encourage her t do what she feels able to do.She may feel she has let her baby down in some way and hence is finding it difficult t connect with him at the moment.

Can the GP access counselling for her? has she been in touch with refuge or a similar organisation- they are the experts with regards DV and may have access to specialist counsellors for her? If necessary is anyone in the family able to offer temporary foster care? Ix she on medication?

Sorry lots of questions!

If she is diagnoosed with a mental health problem she may be able to access a specialist mother and baby unit- she will recieve the treatment she needs whilst her baby is there with her getting the care he needs. The staff there would help her to re-bond with him and build her confidence back up. Might be worth asking the GP.

Thankyou both for your replies.

Yes we all believe she is depressed at the very least - have been wondering about PND.

She has had loads to deal with especially from Boyf.

To be honest doctor has been not much help - has given her a herbal version of valium but she was taken to hospital on Saturday in an ambulance as she was really distressed and the physc nurse says they are not strong enough for her. She has an appointment this afternoon and my sister is going with her so I have told her to tell him they need more help - and to be completely honest with him.

She has moved back in with her parents and we are all mucking in and helping with baby - her younger sister (15 yrs) even gets up in the night to help out. Problem is at mo she will not even stay in the house with him so it is really difficult to encourage her to do things with him.

I know she thinks the world of the baby and to be honest think she is feeling very scared at mo. Boyf goes to court on Thur on a different charge (Burglary) but the police have told her that they plan to arrest him there for what he has done to her (Sorry do not know what charge). We are all really hoping that he gets sent to prison so he cannot get to her for at least a few months - but this is not his first offence and he only seems to get a smack on the wrist and told not to do it again!!

He last went to prison for stealing a car and you would not believe what his punishment was - He is now not allowed to sit in the front of a car and has to travel in the back!!

soun ds like she needs serious help very soon, there are some mother and baby units although they are few and far between. why has doc not prescribed ADs? herbal stuff is surely too little too late right now

there should be CPNs and crisis team involved if she is unable to care for her baby