Long story sorry- please tell me if I`m the one in the wrong here.

[hollynanny]

Ive been with my OH for almost four years now. Im 25, he is 28. We don`t live together.

We have been having problems on and off, and I really dont know what to think anymore. A lot of it stems from a couple of years back, he lied to me about a few things and went nuts when I found out (just little things, but it was still lying). On five occasions he vanished for the night, refused to answer his phone and still hasnt told me exactly where he was- he will only say that he went for a "walkabout". He says I should trust him and cannot understand why I spent each night worrying myself sick and why I worry when he goes out now in case it happens again. Am I being unreasonable and paranoid? Last time it happened was about a year ago.

Around the same time, I found out that he told a friend of his (who I have never met) something extremely personal about me. He confessed (through a text) that hed told her, but says he cant see the problem.

I confess that I went a little crazy, and spent text him a fair bit while we was both at working asking for an explaination. He then told all his work friends that I was stressing him out, and now they all hate me, apparently a female work friend of his threatened to hit me! (Very mature ).

He also pushed me over once when I tried to talk to him about this and other stuff (happened about a year and half ago). He absolutly refuses to talk about anything, the most Ill get is "whatever" or he completly blanks me. Should I just let all this be in the past? He cant understand that I really want/need to talk about this.

He has a way of twisting everything and blaming me, even telling me that "a large proportion of what happened was your fault".

He is out of work at the min, and while Ive been doing my usual fifty hours a week plus overtime at work, he has been chilling out with friends. I have paid for us go to Tunisia as a surprise in September, but just lately all this stuff that has happened has been playing on my mind, and half of me wants to end it. A lot more has happened then that. but dont want to make this post onger then it already is!

Ummm, I think you know the answer yourself, don't you? Really?

He's secretive, tells lies and is violent. He's really charming, isn't he?

He slags you off to his colleagues. What a gent.

He bums around while you work your heart out and pay for a holiday for him. Are you really pleased he's your boyfriend?

He's really not that much of a catch, is he? Let's be honest.

I'd just end it, if I were you.

You're so young. Get out there, have some great fun without some man who has zero respect for you and your needs. You're not asking for anything unreasonable from him.

I agree with WW.

As hard as it may be to make the break I think it would do you the world of good. He sounds like he needs to grow up and all he is doing is dragging you down.

great catch

time to move on.

Relationships shouldn't be such hard work HN.

Bottom line is, he doesn't respect you. That should be enough to end a relationship imo.

Agree totally with the other responses.

What do you exactly get out of having a "relationship" (and I used that term advisedly)with an immature manchild with a propensity to violence like this?. You probably cannot readily answer that question.

All he will do is damage what little self esteem you have even further and you likely did not have much to start with to hook up with someone like him.

If you don;t cancel the holiday in September at the very least take his name off the booking.

BIn him, he's not remotely worth the hassle. Nice men can be good in bed too (what on earth other reason would there be for putting up with a turd like this apart from phenomenal sex???).

Can you list his good points at all?

He sounds like an utter knobhead

Agree with all above.
I'm starting a new thread -
what's the worst relationship you've ever had?
When you're happy with a nice man you might think back and want to nominate this particular one you are in now.

i just got rid of someone exactly like this and i ended up behaving exactly like you. in fact your post sounds exactly like the one i put on here a month and a half ago. you leave him it will hurt. you will remember all the lovely things he did. but in a few weeks time you will look in the mirror and respect yourself. in a months time you will laugh and a while after that you will like yourself again enough to wonder why on earth you put up with it for so long. its the hardest thing you will ever do but pick your stuff up, invite a girlfriend on holiday and great rid. men like that love the attention and the control they get from your insecurity which they feed and manipulate on purpose. he wants other people to call you bad so he doesnt have to look at himself. run.

get rid

get rid of him

Dump him. I can't see what on earth he brings to your life that is pleasant.

controlling manipulative wanker. And porobably a pathological liar as well (ooh, could be me projecting - I had one of those a few years ago and your story just sounds so familiar) so LOSE HIM before you lose your self-respect and your sense of who you are.
If you stay with him, he has won. He has you where he wants you - on the floor where he wipes his feet.