Issues with relationships - mental health problems /frustrated & feel I'm my worst enemy

[usuallyelectra]

I don't really know why I'm posting this or whether anyone has any advice but I'm confused and wondering whether anyone else has similar issues and whether there is a way to resolve them.

The main problem I have is getting into relationships with unsuitable people - I am drawn to intense relationships with people who are bad for me - I know this and I keep on doing it anyway. I think my feelings about sex are messed up - I like to be hurt and bruised etc. I don't understand why this is.

Instead of looking for suitable people I seem to seek the opposite......is there any way to break this cycle?

To put this in context I have BPD, apparently - or that is the closest dx they can make...

i know someone like this and he went for me despite the fact that i am a walking reminder of every mistake he has ever made, purely because he was on self destruct and really doesnt like himself much. its heartbreaking to see and worse to be involved with but well done for having the strength to admit you have some issue s you need to look at. have they referred you for counselling. Has anything happened to make you so willing to be put through pain like this. you have identified that you have this issue which is a really good start - well done you. what have they got you on for the bpd. Also what about not having a relationship for a while. BPD sufferers in an unstable phase dont tend to make the greatest decisions and are very intense as a rule anyway - could this be clouding your judgement at all?

anyway enough with the questions. the key to beating this is getting the support you need and not giving up. you need to find some balance within yourself - until then leave the men alone!

also when you say unsuitable how do you mean. if you mean abusive or attached ot someone else then there are loads of support groups and advisory services available who can help you understand and break that cycle.

Thanks prettyfly. I currently use quetiapine, which helps a lot but obviously doesn't fix me or my lack of boundaries. I agree that I should not get involved with anyone right now. I try to be by myself but somehow always seem to end up getting into something. I develop very intense attractions, usually with people who have problems themselves of one kind or another. When I say unsuitable I mean people who are not very balanced. My husband was emotionally and physically abusive towards me and the latest relationship I had was with a man who has violent tendencies (he gets into fights and punches walls).

Agree you should definitely try and get some counselling or psychotherapy, don't just let them fob you off with drugs. I have a very good friend with BPD, she has been on all sorts of meds over the years and had intensive therapy but is now in a really good place, no longer takes meds or has therapy and is living with a really nice, stable guy so it is possible. I don't know how old you are but there is some evidence that some sufferers 'grow out of' BPD. The fact that you've recognised these destructive behavioural patterns is a big step in itself and with the right help I'm sure you will be able to find a relationship where you can be happy. All the best.xxx

Thanks for your kind words JaceyBee. I'm 27 - managed to get out of the wrong marriage reasonably early so perhaps there is hope for me.

hi electra - therapy, excersize and routine are all good support mechanisms and good luck. your really brave dont forget that and you can do it!

thanks prettyfly1 xx