Sex - my dh does not want to have a sexual relationship with me - help.

[lola24]

Help - not sure what to do. Dh and I have been together about 4 years we have 2 lovely children under the age of 3 and I am a SAHM. Our relationship is generally good, we have the usual arguements and disagreements but don't row all the time and generally seem to like each other. But since the birth of our first dd we have really not had a sex life at all. And it is making me desperately sad. He never initates sex and if I try to, like I did this morning he rejects me and is horrible to me all day. We are on the list for relate counselling but with no immediate slot and we have been on the list since March. I just wondered whether anyone had the same problem? Whether you can suggest anything? And whether counselling will help?

You say that you weren't doing it much after the birth of your first child, but you managed to fall pregnant anyway. Do you think he is concerned that you will fall pregnant again as it happened so "easily" last time? What contraceptive arrangements do you have (if any)?

It sounds like he feels bad when he rejects you, which makes him act horribly.

I do think that sexual aspects can never be seen as seperate to the rest of the relationship so it's great you're on the list for Relate.

Good luck with this.

I'm with kat. I bet he has some major issues about what being a parent is. Firstly it's being someone who doesn't want him because they gave a baby away. Who is also perhaps idealised as the perfect mother he never had. Then it's someone who looked after him but was horrid at the same time. I can't imagine what that has done to his feelings about being a parent himself.

And the no sex bit may be incidental.

He sounds very mixed up and confused. And with huge amounts of anger and sadness about "parents" in general swilling around.

Hope you and he get some help.