Giving him legal custody for the school's sake?

[rockandrollmachine]

Me and my children's father have been seperated for 4 years. No nastiness or bitterness.

Anyway I have always had the children and to be honest, he has had very little interest in them, he has them over to stay every fortnight but no contact inbetween, no phonecalls, no school events...nothing.

Anyway I am currently living in the catchment area of the worst school in the city and there is no way in hell I will send my kids there, I'd rather keep them at home.

Ex however lives in the catchment of a really good school which also happens to be the school most of DS's friends are going to and the one he desperately wants to go to. It is over-subscribed so we have little chance of getting him in whilst living here.

So, a suggestion has been made that we "pretend" DS lives with his father. This would include having the child benefit made out to him, changing address with the primary school...anything else?

Is this feasable? I know people will disagree with it but I'm a loss of what to do about the secondary school situation. He is due to start in 2009.

Is this a terrible idea?

Is it possible yo just be honest about the situation; that the children have a father who lives in catchment area?

Could you get an application, and then decide how to word it?

Personally, I'd make sure I kept on the straight and narrow with HM Customs and Excise. They are all knowing and could get you into a LOT of trouble.

You could probably do it just by saying DS goes to his fathers after school every day for school care.
It's how someone I know got into a school next to their nan's house.

The reason most child benefits are made to the mother is because it acts as a protection for the NI rights (or pension or something similar (it was a long time ago when it was explained to me, sorry!) I would think very hard and look into it with someone who knows about these things before you make any changes or statements that may turn out to "bite in the bum" when you need them most.

Honestly is the best policy. If you lie on the forms you then have the situation where the children have to lie too. In our infants school they made lovely little family trees showing who lived in their houses, they do work on the local area and they encourage the children to know their own addresses etc it could get quite complicated IMO.

Do not do this. The suggestion has been made by whom? Somebody with cake for legs? Don't be daft.

Have you spoken to your son about this? How does he feel about it? Remember - he will have to live the lie every day he is at school and friends want to come for a sleepover or somebody asks him where and with whom he lives. Do not make him lie.

I would send him to the school that you can -and maybe sell up and move so that in two years or one or however long it takes he can go to a better school (if that is what you really want).

School is NOT the main event in his life. His ability to be true to himself is more important. His parents asking him to, or making him, tell fibs, is not good!

You are the main event in his short life dear mummy. Even if he fails every exam in the curriculum, (unlikely because you obviously care about him therefore will not let that happen and presumably nor will his father) he can still be a success. Look at the dotcom generation and many good politicians, writers, actors, campaigners, property developers, mathematicians, inventors, doctors, air stewards, explorers, etc etc etc ad infinitum...if you are telling me they all lied about going to a "decent" school then I am a dumbfuck and you are right and I take it all back.

Er, which I don't.

x

And one last thought - if child benefit etc is made over to his father then, even though you say there is no bitterness etc it could be the thin end of the wedge and your ex could end up keeping your son full stop..
But my main point is, do not make your son lie about his home life.

Would you be doing this with your EX's permission?

Our LEA's admission rules state that the address given must be the child's permanent address (at the date of application) that they live in Monday to Friday. So I can't see how after-school care would swing it. If DS's father lives at that address, however, I don't see that it would be so dreadful, as in many cases that would be considered his home as well as his mum's house. I wouldn't write the idea off.....

Why would your Ex do this for you anyway. Surely he wants your DC to go to the best school possible.

I think I would say that you've got back together, move in for a few months (I know that sounds unfeasible but you don't have to actually sleep there) get mail etc directed there and that you will rent out your house. Then of course you will say you've split up again...

I know it sounds and is really dishonest but if you knew the half of what I have been through with schools you would understand...

I wouldn't bother even trying. If the school is over-subscribed as you say I guarantee you the other parents will be watching each other like hawks to make sure nobody pulls a stunt like this.

Both schools and parents have wised up to this behaviour. Do you honestly think that if your son got in and someone who genuinely lived in the catchment area didn't get in wont grass you up - they will.

it's what everybody round here seems to have done!!! not me though...never occured to me at the time, so of course my son didn't get a place at our local schools...

You don't need to change your child benefit details so do not do it!
Would a school ask to see all your financial details anyway?

Rather than say that he lives there full time, could you say that he stays part of the week there and the other part with you?

I understand why you're doing this, I would want to do the same.
If it were me, I would do what susia suggested, and say you're back together adn you live with him now.
You can always 'split up' later on.

The school won't ask for details, as admissions have nothing to do with them. The County, however, will ask for proof of residencey if it is pointed out to them that there is an issue - which there may well be if people get wind of your plan and grass you up. If you go ahead with this plan, you would need to ensure you had proof lined up, just in case.

oops, residency

You could go for a shared residence order by consent.

I think its admirable you would consider changing residence (old term custody) for the sake of your kids education!

Sadly my DP's ex sends their DD to a crap school in a dangerous area because its near her work.