I need counselling, so does he. Do we go together or not? And what's it like the first time?

[forthisthread]

Some of you may remember that this week I told DH that I was sexually abused when I was 12. He is the only person I've ever told, and the abuse along with 20+ years of secrecy has done a lot of damage to our relationship, to the point that he was ready to leave me.

We are starting to work through it, and it's been a tough week with ups (relief that our marriage is not over), and downs.

I know I can't properly move forward without counselling. He wants to talk but doesn't want to pressure me. I want to talk but don't know how or where to start.

I don't know if I should see someone on my own first, or if we should go together. I'm anxious about what it will be like - opening up about this is totally new to me.

Here is the first thread for anyone who wants the background.

Thanks for listening x

Hi fortisthread
Just read your post. Well done for managing to discuss this with your dh, so brave after all of those years. Re: counselling I would suggest it might be best to see someone together initially. They (the counsellor) should start to look a bit at the impact this has had on you both as a couple and then help you decide whether you need to see someone individually after that. That way DH will not feel shut out and it will be transparent. He can also find out pro-active ways to help you through it and have a space to talk about his feelings too. The joint sessions may only go on for a short period of time, you may need longer yourself. Just be careful that the counsellor is accredited. It might be good to initially go through a large organisation like Relate (who have great counselling staff) so you are safe in the knowledge that the counsellor has supervision and has been screened as having the necessary qualifications.

Don't worry too much about the counselling. The hardest part is over since talking to your DH. Counsellors are very senstive to the fact that people coming in will be apprehensive and they will go at your own pace and be very gentle with you.

Best of luck.