What do I do? I dont want to leave need some advise on how to put things right again.

[lardybump]

I really need some advise on how to deal with this. I dont want the relationship to end but it can not go on like this. We have been together 7 years and have a dd and one on the way.

This morning DP and I have had another bust up. He feels it is ok to talk to me like shit and shout and threaten me when ever he feels like it. He has taken dd out now and when he left he said he is not coming back tonight (I don?t care about him not coming back but he has dd and I have not been away from her since she was born.

Today it was over the state of the house (it has got on top of me but I work 28 hours a week, in addition to being the main child care for dd and I am pg). He said I was fat and ugly and would never find anyone else to be with. He also said that he has women chasing him all the time and that the chasing may stop.... He said that I am a crap mother and that no one would leave dd in my care if we split up because I have mental problems (I don?t maybe a few hormones at the moment but nothing more.) He also says that he would get everyone to back him up saying that I am a bad mum so that if we split up dd would be put in his care.

I don?t know where to start. I am so upset I feel like shit. I don?t know what to do, I own half the house and all bills are in both names. He would not let me leave with dd either I know that for a fact. I am trapped and I have bought a beautiful little girl into the middle of what is turning out to be a loveless nasty relationship. No that is wrong I do love him and when we are not arguing I know that he loves me.

I have been thinking hard about what to do since he left this morning. I was in a violent relationship before I met dp so never thought I would feel this way again (although dp has never been violent towards me). When we are not fighting dp is the most loving, gentleman that I know. But when we argue he throws the most hurtful things at me. I don?t want the relationship to end but I don?t want to go on like this. It seems to be happening every Saturday.

He has just called me and was talking as if nothing has happened.

I told him that it was unacceptable the way he spoke to me and that I am so upset about it that I am thinking of leaving. He was shocked and said ?I am really sorry but you know I don?t mean it I am just letting off steam... I don?t know what to do about it do I let it drop now he knows how far he pushed me? What if it happens again? I am still so upset.

I have written down everything that I do in my week and everything that he does. And I am going to ask him where he feels I can fit in the ironing and other housework safely. I will then show him where I think he can fit it in during his week. What do you think?

That sounds like a good idea, but I think you also need to spell it out to him that the things he is saying are not on.
It sounds as though he is doing it without thinking and because you dont say anything he thinks its ok to act like that.
He needs to know that its not ok!

You say it happens every Saturday. Is there something that happens every Saturday that makes him stressed? Can he go for a run on Saturday mornings to let off steam instead of getting wound up? or go to bed earlier on Friday nights?

Make sure that he knows he needs to sort this out asap and that if he does nothing to change then you will be kicking him out!

Sounds like he needs to change the wqay he behaves and the first step is recognising it. How about Relate?

I am so sorry you are going through such a horrible time!

Name calling and being nasty is just so appalling.

Is he capable of changing? Seems to me the first port of call is to let him know that his behavior is abuse and you aren't really interested in a relationship if it continues (if this is what you want)

Plus his excuse of 'letting off steam' doesn't include calling you a crap mother and referring insensitively to your mental issues. And threatening to have an affair when your partner is pregnant

But it isn't about the ironing though, is it? It's about respect.

If nothing else, he needs to learn some manners....

agree with smallwhite cat - it's emotional abuse

There is no excuse or justification for the way he spoke to you and the things he said. What kind of man says that to someone he truly loves? To me that is not loving behaviour. He wouldn't treat a stranger that way so he should have more respect for his wife.

As for the ironing, again, he needs to have more respect for you. Since when did you become his servant? If he thinks more housework needs to be done then he should bloody well do it himself.

yes I Agree too, it is emotional abuse and there is no excuse for it.

You are right I know. He always reacts with anger first then thinks about things calms down and tries to retract what he has said and tries to make it seem as if it was nothing.

It is not my problem it is his. He needs to sort it out or I am leaving and taking dd with me.

He is on his last chance now if this happends ever again I am leaving. I am strong enough to do this on my own.

I will tell him this tonight when dd is in bed.

Rather than spending any spare time you have doing the things he claims you are not doing, use it to go out without him leaving your daughter in his care. Go see a friend, go for a (non-alcoholic) drink, walk in the park, see your family.

Seems to me he has you right where he wants you, and is trying to undermine your confidence.