Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I have a lovely, lovely MIL. And as I've got all boys,I'm glad to know that it's possible

39 replies

Bubble99 · 04/07/2008 23:05

She is fab.

I have warmer relationship with her than I do with my own mother. I can talk to her about pretty much anything.

She will pick the boys up from school at a moment's notice (she is self-employed) and hassles to babysit.

She buys lovely clothes for the boys (and me!) and will also buy school shoes/PJs and other necessary stuff if I ask.

FIL takes the boys for haircuts, which is something we struggle to find the time to do. AND they have offered to take us all away for a holiday later in the summer.

So. Either she is trying to take over my family or she's lovely.

OP posts:
Bowddee · 04/07/2008 23:07

I have a fab MIL too. I can turn to her for anything. In fact, I probably get on better with MIL than I do with DH!

SubRosa · 04/07/2008 23:16

She sounds like my MIL, who's one of the nicest people I've ever met.

Original poster
Bubble99 · 04/07/2008 23:16

It's good to see a positive MIL thread, isn't it?

I sometimes wonder if I'd be as close to her if I had a better relationship with my mum.

I took three of the boys over to theirs this evening. It wasn't pre-arranged, I just called in the afternoon as DS4 had an extra long nap and I knew that he wouldn't want to go to bed at his usual bedtime. DH stayed at home with DS1.

We ate in the garden and afterwards she was doing some gardening with DS2 (she has set aside his own little garden for him to plant things in). DS3 and 4 were 'watering the plants' - and their clothes/feet.

She looked at me and said 'thanks for coming over this evening - I am never happier than when my family is here.'

OP posts:
littlelapin · 04/07/2008 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Bubble99 · 04/07/2008 23:18

are here. Best to quote her properly?

OP posts:
unknownrebelbang · 04/07/2008 23:18

My MIL was a good woman.

unknownrebelbang · 04/07/2008 23:19

(all boys here too).

My mother was also wonderful with my SIL.

wanttomakeitbetter · 04/07/2008 23:20

that is so lovely

my DC's don't have any grandparents, (all deceased) and I think it's such an important relationship

ergo I have no in laws, can't quite bring myself to use and envious emotion, as you clearly appreciate the relationship

does she want another DIL and another couple of grandchildren ?

Original poster
Bubble99 · 04/07/2008 23:24

I know a woman who has just had a scan and found out that she is having a DS2.

She told me a few weeks ago that she was really hoping for a girl and seemed, tbh, quite down when I met her after the scan.

Part of the reason is that she has a close relationship with her mother and is worried that she won't be able to have that if she doesn't have a girl.

We talked for a while and I told her about my relationship with my mum and how having a daughter doesn't necessarily guarantee a strong mother/daughter relationship.

She also said that she would be probably end up with 'two women who hated her.' I was glad to be able to tell her how I feel about my MIL.

OP posts:
wanttomakeitbetter · 04/07/2008 23:28

I used to have the same concern, both my brothers disappeared when they got married.

I was worried when I had 2 DS's - however I now know a number of men who are very close to their mum's

so I'm hoping it was a generation thing, and the boys we're bringing up today will be closer to us than maybe our siblings were to our mums (DB's in their 50's now - Mum would have been 75)

Original poster
Bubble99 · 04/07/2008 23:28

Out of interest, do any of you have a good relationship with both your own mothers ^and your MIL.

OP posts:
Psychomum5 · 04/07/2008 23:30

me too

I love ,my MIL

if I could have chosen a mum, she would be it

googgly · 04/07/2008 23:30

My mil is tremendously great too, and my mum is really nice to my sil (taking a 3-hour plane trip to their place to babysit for the kids and taking loads of pressies, but never telling anyone what to do - that kind of thing), though they're not v.close and my mum's a bit disappointed about that.

WinkyWinkola · 04/07/2008 23:31

Amazing. Bubble99, you are so lucky. It must be so nice for your family to have this extra support.

Mind you, people only ever really report horror stories so there must be loads of lovely PIL out there. Surely?

Original poster
Bubble99 · 04/07/2008 23:33

WTMIB.

Yes, I think it might be a generation thing.

My mum is a cold fish and I know this has a lot to do with the way she was brought up. I was talking to my brother recently and he said that although we were fed, clothed etc, he doesn't ever remember my mother cuddling him or saying that she loved him.

That pretty much matches my own recollections.

OP posts:
wanttomakeitbetter · 04/07/2008 23:38

mine too !!!!

mum was very definitley stiff upper lip type, never told me she loved me, ever, although quite bizzarely knew she did anyway

with my DS's I tell them every day, and I hope that they will be close to me

I hope that they will always regard home as their safe haven

and when the time comes that they meet DP's - that their DP's will regard it in the same way

I miss not having an extended family, it's really just the 4 of us, so I'd hate to lose my boys too

Original poster
Bubble99 · 04/07/2008 23:39

googly. I can't understand anyone who wouldn't love a MIL like that.

Interestingly (well, to me anyway ) my SIL doesn't get on at all with my MIL BUT she has a very intense relationship with her mum.

I wonder if there's just no room for another close relationship.

OP posts:
unknownrebelbang · 04/07/2008 23:42

I had a good relationship with both my mum and mil (had blips with both along the way).

Original poster
Bubble99 · 04/07/2008 23:42

I know my mum mentally tuts when she sees me cuddling the boys - but I also know that a lot of her disapproval is as she knows she has really messed up her relationship with my brother and I.

OP posts:
YouNeverKnowIMightFlounce · 04/07/2008 23:44

i have a fab mil too and a fab mum

Original poster
Bubble99 · 04/07/2008 23:44

unknown. I almost envy you having blips with your own mum.

My relationship with my mum is so tense. Walking on eggshells. It makes me sad that I have such a superficial relationship with the woman who could/should have been a role model.

OP posts:
Original poster
Bubble99 · 04/07/2008 23:49

YKNIMF.

Do your mum and MIL get on?

That's another one I wonder about. I would never criticise my MIL to my mum (not that I would have cause to) as I know my mum would enjoy it.

OP posts:
YouNeverKnowIMightFlounce · 04/07/2008 23:51

yes they do actually...

i was not always so close to mil but she has been invaluable and fantastic over the last year.

my mum lives further away so although shes absolutely invaluable and always helps me mil is more on hand to hep with dd's

beaniesteve · 04/07/2008 23:51

You can have wonderful mother in laws who don't do all those things too. Even if my other in law was unable or unwilling to help me with childcare or babysitting I would still hope that I would consider her wonderful.

Woops, I upset the wonderful mother in law thread

Original poster
Bubble99 · 04/07/2008 23:55

beanie. It's much more than the practical stuff, though.

It's the love and emotional support as much as anything.

Now bog off and stop messing up my lovely, shiny thread.

OP posts: