Just had a lovely conversation with DH

[wanttomakeitbetter]

o.k. have posted earlier this week with my "troubles"

DH has been off playing golf all day, just got a call off him and we spent 15 minutes chatting on the phone.

It was a lovely conversation, and probably the longest one we've had in weeks if not months, he's due home around midnight, has asked me to stay up so we can share a glass of wine.

now I do get called spongebob on account of my half full glass approach

but that conversation reminds me of the lovely man I fell in love

maybe all is not lost, just now need the courage to talk to him about the way I feel about all of the other stuff

wish me luck guys

i havent seen your other threads, but this chat sounds good

when i chat with with dh i always say 'i feel' rather than 'you make me feel' less accusing iyswim

Good Luck!

I've not seen other threads but I hope things go good for you tonight.

I've not seen your previous posts but I'm pleased to read this OP. No, you're not being foolish re: glass half full. It's your relationship. You want it to work. I think that's brill. scorpio's advice is good. There are also good relationship books available from most libraries. In mine you can request books. If they can get it in it costs 50p. I use that service all the time. Good luck.

We got a little book called top ten comm tips for couples

Just ten really easy things to do - has helped us talk about ishoos much better

our troubles have been going on for about 4 years in total, came to a head 2 years ago almost split

since then I've been working at it, he did for a time too, but I feel it's slipped.

I really really really want my marriage to work, I have support from my sister and 2 clsoe friends, and tbh they think I should get out, say he's selfish and I'm constantly on a roller coaster of feeling great then feeling rock bottom

their advice is when is enough enough ?

there's times when I don't think we'll make it, but then I get flashes like tonight and I'm desperately holding onto them

"who lives in a pineapple under the sea ?"

To me, enough is enough when im happier when he isn't here.

Also if he cheated or was physically rough that would be it too.

p.s. thanks for the advice

Have you thought about going to Relate? They might help you both to work at it at the same time iyswim?

ah it's 50/50 on the happiness score

we've been through the physically rough thing, still has a rant but pretty much contained now

but I'm holding onto that 50% happiness

Ooops, sorry. I forgot to say "If you haven't been already". One glass of wine and I'm hopeless!

we have, but he decided we didn't need it.

he's pretty much in denial that anything is wrong, I had some really good advice on my last thread, and I'm just begining to accept that I'm in an abusive relationship (mentally)

there's lots for us to work through, but I was just so happy about that conversation that was just like the old us

Hope it all goes well for you. haven't seen previous threads but it sounds hopeful!

it's lovely when you are having a bad time when some golden time comes through

it is also really nice he asked you to wait up; IMO he wants to see you

If you (singular) think that you (singular and plural) do need it then you (whatever!) do. He should respect that and come with you to Relate. What harm can it do? Does he find it difficult to talk about personal stuff in front of a stranger? Even if he does, he should be willing to do it if that's what you think the relationship needs.

and he could, if he wanted to, have had lots of drinks where he is (dinner afterwards) he's drank orange and soda

I am ignoring the fact that I text him at 1pm this afternoon to tell him I'd had to bring our son home from school sick and he didn't text back he'd got the message until after 8pm

and he called at 10.15pm to ask how he was, but the rest of the convo was lovely, and he's offered to go out to do stuff we need doing tomorrow whilst I do my college work (which includes getting my shoes heeled, picking up my dry cleaning and getting me some false tan)

he finds it very difficult to talk about himself, I posted about our almost split back then but can't remember the name I used

I was at the point I wanted him to meet someone else so he could cheat so I could end it

he went on a night out with his friends, and one of our very old, dear, close friends got him to open up

that night he came home and said we need to talk, upshot was I said I had no more fight left and wanted a divorce

we talked to each other for about a month, he offered to go to relate then, but after we'd talked that much he said he didn't think we needed it

it's not that bad now, but I feel like it's going that way, he's being dismissive of my feelings, which is why we're not talking about it

he gets defensive if I try to talk, he thinks I'm blaming him

would love him to realise, I love him, I want our marriage to work

I really pleased that there has been abit of a break through - maybe talking over the phone is better for him to say how he feels??

I hope it went well for you last night. I think he needs to go with you to Relate so that he hears what you're saying. I read somewhere that it's often the little things that are fixable that break many marriages. I think they're called low conflict. I'm sure he doesn't want your marriage to fail just because he won't address some easy-to-sort-out stuff. Keep trying. I'm not on MN often but I'll try to help if I spot your posts. {{I don't know if you do hugs but please have one if you do}}

thanks Simply (((HUGS))) back

we stayed up until 2am chatting, I told him how I felt, he immediately went on the defensive and started saying "well you ...."

told him I don't want to rehash everything that has gone on, bottom line is I feel unloved, unwanted, neglected and am not very happy.

I want him, I want us to be happy and things need to get better, lets not go over everything and try and apportion blame, lets just make it better.

he has a habit of when I say something he sings a rhyme before I finish speaking - so if you can imagine saying "I'm trying to get my head round ..." by the time I've got to round he's already singing a rhyme about heads and not letting me finish

I asked him not to do it, he said can you stop criticising me

explained I wasn't, but it's an annoying habit, and it's as if he's not interested in anything I have to say, so if he could not do it and actually have a conversation with me, as it's really off putting and makes me not want to speak to him

so that's last night and this morning, onwards and upwards

That's fab fingers crossed for you x

I'm glad to hear that. Good on you for persevering.