My friend and her child, bit worried, need some advice

[strawberriesandcream01]

I dont really know where to post, I posted on chat but no replies yet!

Have this love/ hate relationship with my friend who I have know for several years. We have DD's the same age.

I am concerned.......
She drinks far too much. We got together tonight for tea with the kids, she got really drunk, admittedly I had a few but stopped after a while. She then invited 2 other friends round, one being very drunk when he arrived and they contiued to drink and talk about drugs and what they had done. I was shocked as have never done anything like this and never would. I then said we have to leave but her 5yr old was still there ready to go to bed. So mum has put her to bed ad carried on drinking. She often does this.

Surely this is not normal? I am feeling so sorry for the kids. I did say to mum tonight 'this is not right and I dont agree with these people being here when your child is here'

No I agree its not normal. Is she on her own and struggling to cope?

she is on her own, dont think she is struggling to cope, no but she just likes a drink and gets mixed up with the wrong people. I think I am her only 'normal' friend. She has had alot of issues in the past (im sure we all have our problems) and she just seems to see the wrong people

Is it ok for us to have some wine together on a fri evening when doing supper for the children? Or is this a bad habit? That is really all I drink though.

Perhaps she was in a party mood and letting off a bit of steam. You were drinking with her. Good for you for stopping. Does she do this often or is it just once in a while?

She could be lonley.

X post. Are you on your own? If not is this why you describe yourself as her only normal friend.

There is nothing wrong with you both enjoying some wine whilst making supper. Perhaps you just don't enjoy over indulging and your friend does.

She sounds a lot like me. Sorry but fwiw my DD was and is not affected years later.

Thing is i love her dearly as a friend. What i mean about me being a normal friend is all her friends tend to drink far to much and be mixed up with drugs and she will 'use' her male friends to bring round another bottle of wine or get her a takeaway while she is meant to be seeing someone else.

Yes she likes to let off steam but this is not just once in a while, this is, wednesday night several drinks, last night lots of wine as a male friend went over and she said she was hung over and 2 glasses at lunchtime today then tonight probably far too much and then maybe tomorrow night too. Is that normal?

With me I know when enough is enough but I dont think she does. She drops her DD off at school on a fri morning probably stinking of drink from night before. I have been round there for a coffee and I can smell drink on her from the night before sometimes and she will drive in the mornings too.

I am on my own in the week so will ring her if im lonely.

why don't you make sure there's only one bottle of wine in the house when she comes round next time.

perhaps suggest you want these nights to be just for you 2 and kids. girlie nights.

then maybe she cant call male friends to bring in supplies

If I do dinner she will bring a bottle and I will have a bottle in the fridge. We noamlly drink all this but I will stop after a while and she will carry on.

If we go to hers then vise versa, i take a bottle but she normally has supplies in the cupboard and will open a 3rd bottle when I go home!

hmmmmm, have you said anything to her in a friendly manner?

how did she respond

If I'm having a girlie night it then one bottle each is the norm. Can you look at the bigger picture. Is she mostly a good, resonsible mum?

I don't think you can control your friend's drinking tbh. If you feel uncomfortable with it then maybe break away gently. If you don't want to do that then accept that this is how she is atm.

You have said that you have pulled her up on it. It is up to her to ignore your advice or try and kurb her partying.

she doesn't listen to me! she knows its wrong but carries on.

well then you have 2 choices.

put up with it.

dont be her friend.

maybe if you give her the cold shoulder and tell her why when she asks she'll listen then

This is not normal at all and it is particularly bad news for her child.

Do you think she is alcoholic?. I would think that if you looked closely at most of her associates now (these people are certainly not her friends) you would find that many of them have either a drug or alcohol problem. You are her one and only true friend but I don't think she's going to listen to you.

One thing you cannot do any more is drink alcohol with her in the evening or to have any alcohol in the house when she is there. Make your own house an alcohol free zone for the time she is there.

Would suggest you talk to Al-anon as they can help.

if she isn't actually an alcoholic yet she's certainly relying on alcohol too much.

Nothing wrong normally with a few glasses of wine with a meal even if children are there but not drugs. If you're in sole charge of a 5 year old then personally I don't think you should be legless. In this situation I would go along with the "don't have alcohol available when she's around " suggestion.

Can you do other things with her that don't involve drink and might encourage her to alternatives - have a picnic in the park, go swimming, take the kids to the cinema.