I am so sad, DH thinks I am being unreasonable.................. But I don't!

[crunchcruncher]

DH has been away for 3 nights, he came home last night(teatime). We have 3 DDs, eldest is 14.

Eldest DD went up to bed 10 mins before we did, about 9.45pm.

Within minutes DH started to get a bit (well you know what I mean!)......

I explain very quietly but clearly that eldest DD is still awake, our bedroom door is open and her bedroom is not only next to ours but also her door is open! So basically I said NO! He told me to get a grip, I told him to grow up! He walked off in a huff and has hardly spoke to me since! he has spent the entire evening in the Study!

We have been together for 20 years, married for 16 years!

Am I being unreasonable and reacting over the top?

OR

Is DH, in wanting sex when we both knew that eldest DD was still awake?

Please be honest as I would really like to know the answer!

Thanks

Sorry, I have name changed for this as I hate talking about things like this and currently seeing someone to help me over these issues!

you have to shut your bedroom door more often- not just when you are having 'sexy time' lolol .....my ds know they have to knock and wait if the door is shut its a respect thing

I think your dh is being childish and I appreciate fully why you would want your dd to be asleep first.

God, is he a fecking teenager that he can't wait for a more appropriate time?

oh it's 50/50 I think.

Try doing it downstairs if you are worried about children hearing.

Apparently, that's what my parents did...or so my mother tells me......

ANd I would not be f*cking anyone in the study if htere was the remotest chance my 14 year old dd was going to hear or walk in - so maybe I'm boring but there you go. I'm not 18 and I get it enough that I'm not that bloody desperate.

Make love instead?

To be honest, he was only away for 3 nights, he never bothered to contact us while he was away! He had had his oats before he went!

OK, so I could have put him off for an hr or so, but I was shattered, doing the work of 2 parents while he was away, plus working, etc etc etc......

that sounds to me a bit more i didnt want sex he didnt deserve sex.......

I'm not 18 and I get it enough that I'm not that bloody desperate.

is this more of n issue than your initial post suggests???

Windygales - it was me about saying I was not 18 - you are confusing me with the original poster!

So are you punishing him for the no contact?

I would have shut the door very quietly and hoped dd did not notice. Though I can understand your concerns.

Keep kissing and cuddling in front of her, even though she gets funny about it, I think it's important for her to see the affection in a relationship as, hopefully, she will look for the same when she's older and in a relationship.

But I think your dh is being a bit childish for sulking for not getting a bit.

But how did you say no? Could it be that he feels humiliated? Or that after him being being away, you didn't want that closeness?

Have you asked him why he didn't contact you while he was away? Are you annoyed about that or maybe subconciously 'punishing' him for it? As you can tell I'm an amateur psychologist!

If you didn't want to have sex - for whatever reason - then you didn;t have to and he shouldn't have got huffy. I wouldn't have sex with someone just to stop them being huffy and if my DH behaved like this on a regular basis he wouldn#t be getting a lot, full stop.

If you can't relax with your DD awake and both doors open (can't blame you!) then it wasn't going to be great for you anyway was it?

Typical...mine always pick the wrong time as well! Thing is how are you supposed to enjoy it when you are thinking that your daughter may hear the grunting noises coming from the bedroom?

Make it up tonight instead.

Windygales - it was me about saying I was not 18 - you are confusing me with the original poster

I am easily confused - sorry .........

I just cant understand all this sex secrecy in families

I'd be cross that he demanded it when you weren't keen, and then chooses to PUNISH you by not talking to you. NOT very loving.

Nasty. YANBU.

My Dad worked abroad and my Mum and him had lots of sex when he came back. Bless them.

I never heard anything (my room was next door) but the policy was that if the door was shut and you needed them desperately for something then you knocked and waited.

Teenagers are always weird about sex. They know you had it to have them, they know you may still have it and the thought of you doing anything other than missionary is beyond them. She would have probably put her ipod on to drown out any noises she may or may not have heard.

We are getting a lock for our bedroom door as ds1 aged 5 uses our en-suite to go to the toilet in the middle of the night so we have had a few mad "teenage" moments where we are diving under the covers.

I do think that your dh was being childish by ignoring you. I believe that the wanting of sex is an animal thing whereby theoretically you could have been with someone else as he was away and they "claim" you back.

I remember watching a program about it and men actually produce more sperm if they have been separated from their partner so that their sperm would outnumber any rival sperm!! Now that's gross

I think you could have "forgotten" something - a drink, book, whatever - nipped back downstairs under this pretext and then closed your door on your return.

DH has done this once before, although he didn't go downstairs, she just turned over very huffily and was crap the next day!

We have spent most of the day in silence, all DDs have noticed it. I have spoken to him, but only got a one or two word answer.

Tonight he suddenly started talking to me like nothing has happened, part of me wants to scream and shout at him. But I wont.

I hate it when he is like this, 90% of the time he is a lovely, caring, kind considerate.....parent and DH, but every now and then he is a real TWUNT why do men behave like this?

Sorry, but why is your DD dictating your sex life? Is it so difficult to close the door? Maybe you should close the bedroom doors anyway so the dds wouldn't know what you were up to if you are that concerned? FWIW we always close our bedroom door when we are in there, whatever time of day and whether or not we are 'up to anything'. Our teenage sons know to knock if they need us. And for us, a favourite time is in the mornings at weekends ( often until after lunch). The kids obviously realise what we are doing and they just accept it as a normal part of our life. I for one, am not prepared to creep around waiting for them to be asleep or out before we can enjoy our love life. And yes, there are other places as well, not just the bedroom, but actually, when the kids are around, the bedroom is more private.
We have been together over 30 years, married for over 27, and we are not about to let our teenagers start dictating our sex life!

I do think your DH is slightly unfair to treat you like this, but can certainly understand his disappointment. Maybe you should surprise him by being very flirty and sexy for him tonight and start closing that bedroom door!