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[Toytoise]

I am pregnant with DC1. It will also be my parent's 1st grandchild. My mum died when I was young and my dad remarried when I was young.
I am very close to my stepmum and she's lovely, however I am concerned as when the baby is born I know she will expect to have him/her a lot yet she has never had a baby herself. I am concerned that she has no direct experience of baby care and will get it wrong. She's old school too and won't research the latest techniques or anything, she will just do it her way and she has lots of opinions on everything to do with baby/child care.
She is already challenging me on points of pregnancy, despite not actually been pg herself. Examples of her old-school, 60's thinking include that the pill is unnatural and "messes you up", abortion leaves you infertile, standing on cold flags etc outside with no shoes/slippers on is "bad for your women's system" etc. In short she is prone to believing lots of old wive's tales.

How can I overcome the doubts in my head about entrusting her with the baby when it's born? I want her to be involved but she has a habit of thinking she is always right about everything and people who disagree will find out the truth one day.

Breastfeed then she can't mind LO for very long for til LO is weaned!

Seriously I have the same issue with my MIL and she has had children. I know it's sad but don't have faith in her to do what I want with DD - for example DD doesn't have a dummy but on more than one occasion MIL has made it quite clear that she thinks she should have one and actually commented that DD NEEDS a dummy! If she was to babysit I wouldn't trust her not try DD with a dummy.

I've been exclusively breastfeeding for almost 7mths now and so far that has been my excuse for not allowing MIL to babysit DD!

She will be terrified, I'll bet and won't want to have the baby by herself. Don't worry too much, go with your instinct and if you are worried at all gently insist that you know best because you have informed yourself of all the up to date knowledge.

best to chat to her about this in advance as when the baby comes tiredness etc could lead to this being mis communicated. But you obviously need to be tactful but assertive.

Oops I forgot to put a title on!!

good idea about breastfeeding Rascal, but I bet it won't take her long to hear about expressing and then what do I do with her?!

Carmenere - she will definately want the baby to herself. It'll be all "Give baby to me. Come on now". Yes, baby, not XXX (name).

I was once out with her in Ikea and pointed out a mum with baby in pushchair, along with who was obviously the grandma. I said to my mum "look, that'll be you and me out one day with my baby".

She said "Oh no, dear. YOU'LL be pushing the trolley. I'LL be pushing the pram".

She was NOT joking!

DD won't take a bottle or a cup so HAS to be BF!! Don't think MIL completely believes me tho. When I told her that a ggod friend is making an exception to her no children rule at her wedding later this year, so I can bring DD she rolled her eyes and commented that I had put my friend in a difficult position. Implying I was making it up that DD had to come with me!

Just stick to your guns and smile sweetly and if things get too heated just walk away! that's whatI do!

Hi
You say in your post that you are close to your stepmum. Use that closeness and talk to her about your worries. This is your first baby and her first grandchild so you have something strong in common. Tell her what you want for your baby and I am sure she will listen and support you.

Looking on the bright side, when you're tired and in need of a break or a helping hand, at least you've got someone who really wants to get involved. Just try and educate her to your way of thinking- maybe give her some NHS publications on current advice. If that doesn't work you will have to be very insistent that 'Mum Knows Best'

Don't trust her. I prefer the carers of my dd to have first aid certificate and respect my wishes...and I need to trust them and they need to have pretty much the same ideas of parenting as myself and dh, otherwise it would not work...

She will be upset, but this is YOUR baby...not a toy for her to play mummies with. And tbh...she does not sound that 'lovely'...