Calling all those that have had relationship counselling

[boriso]

Dh and I have been having difficulties recently and have been going to counselling. I am not finding it terribly useful to be honest. I am interested in others experience of this. There is nothing that either of us has said in counselling that we have not said to each other a million times before. I do not feel that the counsellor is offering an additional perspective on the relationship. She is just reflecting back what we have said to each other and we do not seem to getting anywhere. I suppose I was expecting the counselling to be more "directive" or something. What are others experiences?

Hi. My H and I are having counselling with Relate at the moment. I have to say that is working for us insofar as he is being forced to realise that his behaviour is not Ok and that we both have intimacy issues. There have been times when I really wanted to jack it all in, but I'm going to carry on, more for myself really. I'm not sure I actually want to be with my H any more, but I've come to realise that I can't fix the marriage without fixing myself. I guess we have been lucky with our counseller, why don't you ask to see someone else? That may help.... good luck.

boriso, some counselling is more 'directive', sounds like the one you've got doesn't really do things that way. But if that's what you both need, say so and if she can't do that, try someone else. How many sessions so far, because it does take a while for counsellors to get used to the dynamics of the relationship, much harder than counselling one person! The first time we did relate it took several weeks to get anywhere because dp would joke all the way through and she didn't know what to do with that! You can ask to go separately for sessions and then do joint sessions again, which may help the process.

Thanks everyone. Accessorizequeen, we have had 4 sessions so far. Maybe she will start to offer different perspectives soon. hanaflowerisnothana, if anything I feel that I opened up at the beginning and then feel less willing to do so as time has gone on. I don't really feel she has taken my concerns about our relationship seriously.

4 should be enough to start making progress, you really don't sound happy with her! The point is to help you and dh, not to frustrate you more so you could say something at next session and if that gets you nowhere, ask for another person? Might be worth asking what orientation the other counsellors have, my mum's a counsellor and they have very different ways of approaching it. Some veer towards CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) some are person-centred etc, you need to describe what you're both after and see if they have someone with those skills. We've had two lots of relate counselling and it's saved our relationship, not to mention made it stronger through adversities - I'm so glad we did it DP is so much more open and easy to talk to about things now. None of this means that the counsellor is necessarily bad, she just doesn't suit you iyswim.

not experienced relationship councelling but attending councelling to deal with my issues surrounding the end of a relationship. saw one for a few weeks in march who was rubbish for me - just didnt connect with her. my new one however is fantastic and incredibly helpful. i think its about finding the right fit - maybe you need to try someone else/

Hi boriso. Sounds like it may be worth changing your counsellor.

When I was looking, I used this website, and looked for one who was also a therapist. (Likely to be much more directive. Ours gave us loads of fantastic tools to help us communicate more effectively from the first session).

Good luck.

Thanks all, shall think about changing to be honest.