This is my very first post and I am a little nervous and emotional writing this. I have been married for 22 years. Some of these years good and some of these years not so good. My dh has been self employed for all of these years and I have supported him on and off throughout these years. I put my own professional ambitions on hold in order to support and assist him. He has never acknowledged nor appreciated this. His thinking being that this is nothing to either appreciate or acknowledge as it is something that needed to be done for the good of our family. Whilst I agree with this partly, that is it helped our family finacially, the profession that he chose to work in was not one that I enjoyed or found personally satisfying. I helped out because he was having staff problems and because I didn't want to see him distressed and anxious. I wanted to help relieve the burden. I feel betrayed and hurt that he doesn't appreciate this among other things.
This is the tip of the iceberg really .... he hasn't kissed, cuddled, hugged or even made love to me in nearly two years. I really feel lonely and unloved and frankly he makes me feel really ugly. I am posting this into cyber space because I feel it is cathartic and because maybe - just maybe - there is someone out there going through the same thing, Or, maybe someone else can make sense of it. Do I love him still? I don't know anymore. I don't want to hurt my daughter and ending the marriage would certainly do that. But how do I persist with living this empty life? I have tried to talk to him many, many times about this to no avail. He won't see a counsellor with me and he blames tiredness for the lack of intimacy. We haven't slept in the same bedroom for years because he snores like a bear and I have pleaded with him to see the doctor about this yet he refuses. I am always the one hugging him or touching him but he never reciprocates any affection. I am only 43 and feel like I am slowly dying inside. I feel like whatever I do is never enough.