My boyfriend has a framed family photo displayed in the living room of his house, and his ex-girlfriend is in it.
For context, he owns the house, but his mother lives there too, and the living room is primarily her space. That said, he does have a say in how the house is decorated.
Here’s where it gets complicated: the photo is the last picture ever taken of his father before he passed away, so I completely understand why it has such sentimental value.
Interestingly, my boyfriend actually brought up the photo himself after my first visit to his house. He told me that when he and his ex broke up, his mother wanted to take the picture down, but he insisted on keeping it because it was the last photo of his dad. At the time, I understood his reasoning, and I still do. I would never want him to feel like he has to erase a precious memory of his father just because his ex happens to be in it.
But I can’t help feeling uncomfortable when I see it. It’s a family photo, and his ex is right there, forever part of this little framed representation of his family. Meanwhile, when I’m in that house, I sometimes feel like an outsider, like I’m a guest in a place where someone else used to belong.
I know the photo isn’t about his ex, and I don’t think at all that he’s keeping it because he has feelings for her.
I’m torn about whether I should even mention how it makes me feel. Part of me thinks that communicating these feelings is perfectly reasonable, but another part worries that bringing it up would be insensitive, especially given the circumstances surrounding his father’s death.
I don’t necessarily want him to take it down. I just don’t know what to do with this feeling of not quite belonging.
Would you bring this up with your partner, or would you consider it something to work through on your own? And if you would bring it up, how would you approach it without making him feel like you’re asking him to choose between his father’s memory and your feelings?