Hi all. I will do my best to keep this short but I apologise if i dont manage it.
I have a 13mth old girl and my ex left us when she was 11mths. Things were ok between me and him until he met his new partner 4 weeks after he had moved out. We were not married but his name is on her birth cert.
Ever since I was about 3 months pregnant, he has never been interested in either me or our baby. His social life and xbox are his prioritys. He has never wanted to spend any time with her on his own or take her out. Me and my Mum have bought her everything she needs and my ex has never even come home with so much as a packet of choccie buttons for her.
In all honesty, it had been over for a long time before he left us which is probably why we didnt argue when he went. He would come and visit her randomly but did keep up support payments. 2 weeks after he went, I found out I was pregnant again. He didnt show any interest whatsoever but that didnt really bother or suprise me. The week after my little girl's birthday I recieved a call.... EX) I want to come and see her but I dont know if I should. Ive got something to tell you and I dont think youre going to like it. Im seeing someone else and I want to take her away.
It goes without saying but I said no!! I told him he could come and see her as often as he wanted but there was no way I was about to let her go with a virtual stranger (meaning him) and certainly not at all appropriate for her to start being introduced to new partners. The following week, I had a miscarriage (I thing partially because of the immediate change in his personality and the stress which followed over the following weeks). He told me that he didnt want to see her if he couldnt take her away and had stopped giving me any money.
He had bought me a decent car while we were together and he had my little 3 door to get to and from work (although we had not changed the registered names), however before I had even told him that I had miscarried, he came to take it away I couldnt believe that he would be so inconciderate towards our daughter. The front passanger window doesnt even open so the baby is sweating her socks of every time we go out. Eventually after some thought, I called him to say that it might be a good idea if I could meet his new partner with the intention of hopefully creating a positive foundation and that he and I could sit down and try to talk calmly and sort things out. The next thing I know, the new GF is on the phone accusing me of lying about even having been pregnant, threatening that 'They' werent going to give me any support money, 'They' werent going to see her unless 'They' could take her away and that 'They were going to see a solicitor!!! (bear in mind that they had only been together for 2 and a half weeks at this point, as far as he had told me)
The next time I spoke to him, she had told him that I had said, everytime he comes to my house to see her, he and I have been sleeping together. I know there are 2 sides to every story but I didnt even say anything that could have been misunderstood to mean anything remotely like that.
Since then, I have had abusive calls almost everyday from him and her (which the police wont do anything about) not to mention the threats to come to my home. All of the calls have been during the day and unfortuately I recieved the worst call while my daughter was asleep on my lap.
Mutual friends have told me that she is a horrible person and some have already had run-ins with her themselves. She does not have any of her own children yet (though I cant imagine it will be long....). I dont even know my ex anymore and I am so nervous around him and I just dont know what he is capable of now.
He had told me she had a good career orientated job and that she has her own house but I have since found out that she is a part time bar maid and lives in a room above the pub she works in. Also, he has told me that he was fired from his job and hasnt found another one, but I have been told by one of his best friends that he actually quit his job and was working again within a week. It goes without saying that he has not paid any child support and has seen her about for a total of around 6 hours in the past month.
There is nothing I can do as far as he is concerned other that say that he has to bond with our daughter before I will even discuss letting him take her out of my sight, but my question is, Is there anything I can do to prevent my daughter ever having to come even within eyesight of his new partner who has proved herself to be a horrible person. But if not, how does everyone else deal with it?
I truely am not at all jealous. I wish he could have met somebody nice, thats all. Believe it or not, this is the short version but I would be grateful if anyone has any advice at all. Its hard enough dealing with the miscarriage on my own, whilst dealing with ex who has turned into Jekyll and Hyde and keeping it together so none of this rubs off on my little girl.
It doesnt matter what Im going through. My priority is making sure I do the right thing by my daugher. My parents are split up so I know what children of seperation go through and Im trying desperately hard to make sure that my little girl suffers as little hurt as possible. Please Help.....